Even if your intentions were good, they led to a mistake that harmed someone. In your apology, directly acknowledge that you hurt them. Describe how your mistake made them feel and emphasize your remorse for their emotional turmoil so they can see you care and want to understand the situation better.
Apologizing in person is best.
Whichever way you decide to communicate, be sure that you'd feel comfortable if anything you say is shared with other friends, too. Hopefully, your friends can accept your apology. But don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen instantly. Some people are quick to forgive.
If something you've done has caused pain for another person, it's a good idea to apologize, even if whatever you did was unintentional. This is because apologizing opens up the doors to communication, which allows you to reconnect with the person who was hurt.
The most common type of unintentional tort is negligence. Someone is negligent if they unintentionally cause injury to someone in a situation where a "reasonable" person would have been aware of their actions enough to not cause harm. To prove a defendant was negligent, a plaintiff must prove three factors.
Additional Reasons You Might Hurt Loved Ones
You are projecting guilt, self-loathing, or shame. You have trouble seeing their perspective. You have an avoidant attachment style. You indulge in self-destructive behavior or self-sabotage.
Acknowledge that the other person is hurt or offended
Even if you don't think you did anything wrong, it is important to show that you understand the other person's perspective. If you can see why the other person is hurt or offended, it will be easier to apologize.
If you couldn't control the situation or it was a trivial (and honest) mistake, there's no need to apologize. But if you were really at fault, own up to it. Admitting you're wrong is never easy, but it can strengthen your relationships and show that have emotional intelligence.
But, when we talk about apologizing, we wrap all of these complex concepts up into a single practice. It's a common trauma-state response to want to avoid conflict. Conflict can feel dangerous. Some of us may have experiences where conflict was dangerous.
If the other is offended for no good reason, you don't have to apologize, but you can still admit you part in the other person's affect. If the reaction is relevant, you can say you're sorry or apologize that you accidentally offended the other. Don't apologize if you don't really mean it. Quasi apology is useless.
Acknowledge the other person's feelings
A meaningful apology includes showing you're aware of how your actions have impacted the other person. This tells them you understand why they feel hurt. For example, you might say: 'I understand you must have felt really upset, angry and confused. '
The Takeaway Apology: "I am sorry but..."
“I am sorry, but other people thought what I said was funny.” “I'm sorry, but you started it.” “I am sorry but I just couldn't help it.” “I am sorry, but I was just speaking the truth.”
The thing is, it's not an excuse. It's not a rationale. It's a statement of responsibility. Because once you acknowledge that the reason you have a desire to make someone else hurt is that you, yourself, are hurting, you have a lot of power to perpetuate or end that chain.
Hurting the ones you love happens when you tend to ruin things even when they are going well. There are many reasons for self-sabotage, including unresolved childhood trauma and fears. If you link intimacy to negative experiences in your past, you tend to portray a push-and-pull behavior.
Apologizing in person is best.
But don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen instantly. Some people are quick to forgive. Others may have to think about what you said and need time to get over hurt feelings or anger, or to rebuild trust. Do your best with the part that's up to you.
Guilt, Fishkin says, is associated with activity in the prefrontal cortex, the logical-thinking part of the brain. Guilt can also trigger activity in the limbic system. (That's why it can feel so anxiety-provoking.)
Regret is a very real reaction to a disappointing event in your life, a choice you made that can't be changed, something you said that you can't take back. It's one of those feelings you can't seem to shake, a heavy and intrusive negative emotion that can last for minutes, days, years or even a lifetime.
False guilt
The aforementioned environments and situations instill certain emotional responses in a person: guilt, shame, anxiety, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, loneliness, emptiness, and many others. This false sense of guilt can even become a default state that is referred to as chronic or toxic guilt.
Name or specify the infraction you're apologizing for. Show you understand why your actions were harmful and hurtful, and the effect it had on the other person. Don't make excuses, but offer an explanation if needed. Say what you are doing to ensure this situation won't happen again.