Relationships can survive infidelity if both individuals are willing to do the work of processing their emotions and thoughts with the goal of healing from the infidelity together. Moving past infidelity takes time and patience, but healing can result in greater growth and resilience for the couple.
Let your feelings out.
Let your spouse know what you're feeling. Tell him about the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, and the pain he has put your through. Don't keep your guard up and act like it wasn't that big of a deal; let him really see your pain and to hear how you're feeling.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
Ultimately, there is no set formula for whether you should stay together or not. You and your partner will need to decide both individually and together if there are enough positive elements in your relationship to make the difficult work of healing worthwhile.
Becoming aware of your husband's infidelity is a painful experience, but it doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. A man can cheat and still wholeheartedly love his wife. Infidelity can happen even in happy marriages, and it's important to understand that it's not your fault.
In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.
There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
Does the pain of infidelity ever go away? Although cheating can have a lasting effect on your mental health, it's possible to heal after infidelity, says Babita Spinelli, a psychotherapist licensed in New York, New Jersey, and Florida. Spinelli offers couples coaching for partners recovering after infidelity.
Be willing to commit but don't make empty promises
“I cheated and feel guilty! Does the guilt of cheating ever go away?” It does. It is possible to get over the pain and guilt and move on.
There is apparent anger about the betrayal, hurt for being let down, and sadness about losing the relationship. The anger can be toward oneself for letting this happen, the partner who did this to them, and the liaison who shouldn't have crossed the boundaries.
Many say that it's because it is one of the worst forms of betrayal of trust. Others say that it's because your rights have been taken away from you, at least temporarily.
The way people feel about cheating on a spouse or partner can vary. Some feel really bad and truly regret it, others not as much. But no matter how much guilt or remorse a cheating person expresses outwardly, they all feel it inwardly to some extent.
The absolutely worst and most painful form of cheating is one that involves many meetings, is pre-meditated (intentional) and involves not only sex but also romantic non-sexual activities, such as going out to dinners, chatting the night away over a bottle of wine or watching shows on television.
Some of the men here felt fleeting remorse for their infractions; others experienced more anxiety about their partners finding out about the affair than truly feeling guilty for cheating. Some had no regrets about the cheating whatsoever.
Cheating husbands may be defensive over the smallest things. They may seem unusually sensitive or touchy about things that seem harmless to you. If you ask an innocent question about what they had for lunch, they may snap at you and accuse you of being controlling or demanding.
For those who cheat and don't open up about their mistakes, the divorce rate is a staggering 80%. For those who do admit their mistakes, that figure drops nearly in half, with divorce rates hitting around 43%. Honesty builds stronger relationships, engenders trust, and allows for healing.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.