How do you communicate with someone you hurt deeply?
Use active listening skills. Encourage them to talk by saying, “I want to hear what you have to say.” Reflect and validate your loved one's emotions by saying, “I can understand why you would feel hurt.” Ask clarifying questions to make sure that you truly understand: “You're saying that you felt angry.
It's okay to hurt and it's okay to tell someone they hurt you. You want to honor your feelings knowing it's natural and normal to feel hurt and angry too! Remember to respect yourself!
Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life. Identify what needs healing and who you want to forgive. Join a support group or see a counselor. Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them.
Why does it hurt to be away from the person you love?
Separation, even a temporary absence, from the people you have a deep emotional connection with can cause sorrow because you will no longer be able to enjoy their company. Temporary goodbyes are less sorrowful than longer goodbyes or the emotionally devastating end of life farewells.
You may hurt the one you love the most simply because they are the ones that are mostly around. Our emotions, thoughts and behaviours are in constant interplay. If we have a negative mood, we are therefore more likely to act in ways that match our emotional state or get triggered by innocuous and harmless stimuli.
In fact, intentionally ignoring someone or giving them the silent treatment can be extremely hurtful. If the person who hurt you is a friend, loved one, significant other, or coworker, communicating with them about how you feel and discussing ways to deal with the problem is usually a better option.
Guilt, Fishkin says, is associated with activity in the prefrontal cortex, the logical-thinking part of the brain. Guilt can also trigger activity in the limbic system. (That's why it can feel so anxiety-provoking.)
What is guilt? Guilt is an emotional discomfort you feel when you believe that you were responsible for something that offended or hurt someone else. Guilt can be legitimate – you may have made a mistake and you regret your words or actions, causing you to feel guilty.
When feeling guilty after hurting someone, apologize immediately and unconditionally without trying to justify your actions. Acknowledging that the person has a right to be offended by your inappropriate action will make it easier for them to forgive you.
Should you confront someone who hurt your feelings?
Very few people like confrontation—but when done well, the resulting conversation can lead to a stronger, closer relationship moving forward. If you've been hurt, offended, or wronged by someone else, it is in your best interest to address the issue for the sake of the relationship and your own well-being.
Make it seem like this is a pattern of behavior you've come to expect, and certainly not one that you deserve. It's most effective if you bring up things that are similar to whatever you're trying to get the person to apologize for, but it can be anything that upset you.
