At the core of a typical love bomber is hidden crippling low self-esteem. Some form of childhood trauma, emotional neglect or emotional abuse from previous partners has caused them to develop no internal sense of worth or self-esteem.
Anyone is capable of love bombing, but it's most often a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder, says psychotherapist Ami Kaplan, LCSW. “Love bombing is largely an unconscious behavior,” Kaplan explains. “It's about really getting the other person.
What Makes Someone Susceptible to Love Bombing? Love bombers tend to be impatient. They often value power and control, and they want things to happen on their terms. Even if people “fall hard” in a new relationship, partners in healthy relationships respect that people need time to feel safe.
Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse. While anyone can display love bombing tendencies, it's a behavior often seen from people living with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
"Most love bombers are doing it unintentionally, or are at least in denial or rationalizing their behavior," Huynh said. Either way, she added, it often serves a self-centered purpose. It's hard to know how you really feel about this person so soon in a relationship.
Love bombing is a tactic some people use to manipulate someone into jumping into a relationship sooner and more seriously than they'd like to. It's typically done by people who have a history of being in abusive relationships, are narcissists, or have an anxious attachment style.
Because it's so intense and all-consuming, love bombing is exhausting and the “bomber” can only sustain it for about six to 12 weeks, Durvasula says. After that initial period, the gifts, compliments, and trips will dry up quickly.
Love bombing is a controlling and manipulative tactic most often used by narcissists and abusive people. They seek to quickly obtain affection and attention before tearing their victims down.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
A narcissistic person love bombs so that the other partner can develop emotional, physical, or financial dependence on them. "People who engage in love-bombing are often doing so unconsciously, though they may be aware of the effect their behavior has on others," Behr says.
Take time to have an honest, open conversation with them about your concerns. It's possible the love bombing you're experiencing stems from a place of insecurity rather than manipulation. That said, you'll need boundaries, too. Let your partner know you won't tolerate love bombing, and don't give in when it happens.
They doubt the reliability of others to satisfy their emotional needs, and base their self-esteem on the behavior and responses of others. (Related reading: “When a Narcissist Is Also Codependent.”) One study showed that people with an insecure attachment style were more likely to engage in love-bombing.
Is love bombing a relationship red flag? Relationship experts consider love bombing to be unhealthy. For many, it's a red flag, as it can make it hard to maintain personal boundaries, and pushes one person to feel dependent or indebted to the other.
Love bombing is when you are showered with non-stop gifts, compliments, and attention. This begins a cycle of abuse where the love bomber withholds love and attention to manipulate you. Being showered with love can feel so good! It can be an instant confidence boost to feel so wanted and appreciated by someone.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
"In the honeymoon phase, love is shown by a desire to focus on what the other person likes or is interested in," Spinelli tells mbg. "Gestures tend to be thoughtful and not with an intent to impress." Love-bombers, on the other hand, will shower their partner with attention and expect recognition from them and others.
To summarize, overparenting, lack of warmth, leniency, overvaluation and childhood maltreatment have all been associated with higher levels of narcissism. However, these parenting behaviours have often been examined in isolation or in different combinations, with mixed findings.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to: Environment — parent-child relationships with either too much adoration or too much criticism that don't match the child's actual experiences and achievements. Genetics — inherited characteristics, such as certain personality traits.
The final phase in the love bombing cycle is the discard, which usually happens for one of three reasons: The devalued partner no longer supplies what attracted the love bomber in the first place. Seeing his partner as exhausted, broke, depressed, or less attractive, the bomber discards her for someone shiny and new.
Yes. Love bombing is most often discussed in the context of romantic relationships; however, it is also possible for someone to engage in similar behaviors when meeting a new platonic friend.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Love bombing involves excessive attention from a partner at the start of a new relationship. It may involve overwhelming phone calls, gifts, or professions of love. In many cases, love bombing is an early warning sign of an abusive relationship.