Many people who behave in a toxic manner have been through trauma themselves, and instead of dealing with that trauma, these people start exhibiting toxic traits. These people usually don't know how to process trauma and stress in a healthy manner, so they end up being unpleasant around people.
In some cases, toxic behavior may stem from underlying psychological issues such as anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder. People with these conditions may engage in toxic behavior as a way to cope with their own emotional struggles.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
The four behaviours are Blaming, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. Relationship expert Dr John Gottman termed these "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" as they spell disaster for any personal or professional relationship.
The toxic traits of a toxic person include unsupportive and unpleasant behavior, being manipulative, judgmental, controlling, and self-centered. Such people can be the cause of various negative feelings and emotions that you may be experiencing like depression, anxiousness, worthlessness, and unhappiness.
Toxicity in people isn't considered a mental disorder. But there could be underlying mental problems that cause someone to act in toxic ways, including a personality disorder.
Letting go will likely come with guilt, anger and grief for the family or person you thought you had. They might fight harder for you to stay. They will probably be crueller, more manipulative and more toxic than ever. They will do what they've always done because it has always worked.
Leave their "playground" The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play. Leave their "playground".
Always speak up and assertively communicate your boundaries and expectations to the person trying to shame you. Deep down, you can also reframe the shame by reminding yourself that the person is trying to manipulate you and that their words or actions are not a reflection of you as a person.
There are generally three types of toxic entities; chemical, biological, and physical. Chemicals include inorganic substances such as lead, hydrofluoric acid, and chlorine gas, organic compounds such as methyl alcohol, most medications, and poisons from living things.
If you've addressed toxic behavior with the person exhibiting it and they have taken it to heart, it's possible for toxic people to change. “Toxic people can absolutely change,” Kennedy says, “however they must see their part in the problem before they are likely to find the motivation to do so.”
It could be a sign of low self-worth or could point to an intense fear of abandonment. It may also signify a lack of understanding of what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Lastly, an intense fear of being alone is associated with some of the personality disorders and/or could be the result of trauma.
Which Mental Health Disorders Are Linked to Toxic Personalities? People with narcissistic, borderline and antisocial personality styles often display toxic traits, while "toxic patterns" may also be seen in those with untreated substance use problems, according to Durvasula.
Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.
Low self-esteem
People who are toxic are often insecure and have low self-esteem. This means they feel as though they're unworthy of being successful or happy, and tend to blame their failures on everything but themselves.
Most psychologists indicate that it depends on the situation. When silence, or, rather, the refusal to engage in a conversation, is used as a control tactic to exert power in a relationship, then it becomes "the silent treatment," which is toxic, unhealthy, and abusive.
Constant negativity
If someone is always negative, critical, and unsupportive, they're exhibiting a toxic trait. This kind of person can really bring down the mood in any situation. They might have a pessimistic outlook on life, or be hypercritical of others.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.