It is a misconception that narcissists target weak, vulnerable people because they will be easier to manipulate. They actually go for the exact opposite. They look for people who are confident, successful, attractive and strong-willed.
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
Attention-seeking behavior—positive or negative—is essentially narcissistic supply. Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not inherently narcissistic. We all need to feel heard and accepted, but narcissists crave this attention constantly.
To narcissists, ordinary people (i.e., nearly everybody around them) aren't worthy of attention, so being ordinary would leave them unworthy of the spotlight and left to suffocate.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things. Narcissists also believe that they're better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they've done nothing to earn it.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
Indeed, we knew from prior work that narcissists fantasize about having power over others, and that their sense of self-worth fluctuates based on others' respect and admiration. To understand what narcissists want, it is critical to examine what makes them feel good and bad.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
While this rule has potential to broaden your horizons, people who are poles apart might be drawn together for all the wrong reasons. Narcissists, for example, are attracted to people they will get the greatest use from. Often, this means they pursue and target empaths.
Highly empathetic
Individuals who have a high level of empathy are extremely appealing to narcissists because narcissists crave acknowledgment and validation for their thoughts and feelings (clinically, being "mirrored").
Its no secret that a core narcissistic trait is the lack of empathy and care for others. However, people with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits (hereafter narcissists) do sometimes act in a caring manner, or try to appear this way.
They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single.
Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you. Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard.
Maybe you have a high-status job, a large social circle, or a talent that makes you sought after. If they're always thinking what a catch you are, they'll be obsessed with keeping you. The narcissist thinks it reflects well on them to have someone special, skilled, or capable interested in them.
People high in narcissism tend to have a distinct preoccupation with being the center of attention. They are highly skilled at making themselves the star of the show, whether by writing the script themselves or hijacking another person's scene. Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people.
One particular type of toxic narcissist is the psychopathic narcissist, who will embody some of the unstable, aggressive qualities of psychopathy. This person will often be violent and show no remorse for their behavior.