If your spouse doesn't show remorse after betraying you, they implicitly tell you the relationship is over. Words are free, and if they can't be brave enough to consider your feelings, don't ever think that the relationship will get any better. Showing signs of remorse will help you move on from the betrayal.
Once all of the basic information has been uncovered, it is good to step away from affair talk and focus on rebuilding the friendship. The friendship is what brings couples together in the first place and that is what forms an important part on the path toward healing.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one's partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.
A Rough Timeline. People need to understand that it takes at least two years for the shock waves of the infidelity to subside. That doesn't mean it's all bad for two years. In fact, couples may find they're doing better than ever during that period, but, at any given moment, reminders and triggers can still occur.
2. Don't Make Any Rash Decisions. Taking some time and space after an affair can help you cool down your thoughts and feelings so you can make decisions with a regulated nervous system.
Things that can trigger flashbacks include spending time with your partner who cheated, romantic sounds, love stories, not hearing from your partner and sometimes they can just come out of the blue when you least expect it. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
You'll likely ask yourself repeatedly whether staying after cheating is the right choice. That's okay and only you can answer that for yourself. Just take your time, work through your thoughts and emotions with solid support. And please know that it isn't a sign of weakness if you choose to stay.
“Space can be from a couple of hours to a couple of days or weeks,” says Ruiz, though he generally doesn't recommend his clients take longer than 3 to 4 weeks. “The timeframe that is being considered should be reasonable for both parties to agree with,” he says.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman. “They have to—otherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.”
The Progression of Infidelity
Much like the stages of grief, the stages of infidelity are not always linear. For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity.
By working through the 3 stages of affair recovery—atonement, attunement, and attachment, couples can find healing from infidelity. If you're in a marriage where there's been infidelity, marriage counseling is going to be an important part of your healing process.
Infidelity may not only have a destructive impact on the relationship, which may lead to separation or divorce, but may negatively affect the partners' overall emotional wellbeing, leading to enhanced depressive symptoms andlowered self-esteem [3].
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
PISD is similar to PTSD in many ways. While its effects only tend to last about a week to a few months, during this period, a person can experience flashbacks similar to those experienced among people with PTSD. You may replay the sequence of events that led up to you finding out about your partner's infidelity.
The initial stage of affair recovery, the “crisis phase,” occurs when an affair is disclosed or discovered. This phase is marked by intense emotion – a tremendous feeling of uncertainty and (for the one who was betrayed) the sense that his or her entire reality has just collapsed.
Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder
Rumination: You may perseverate over your partner's infidelity and have recurring thoughts about it. Trauma recall: You may have painful memories, flashbacks, or nightmares that cause you to relive the traumatic experience.