Now, if the sibling has threatened or physically hurt you, Fuller says it's best to remove yourself from their life right away. It's not worth risking your own safety for a family relationship. But, if the relationship isn't directly threatening, there are ways to try to make the relationship work.
If bad behavior is repeated or intensified or there is any violence present, it might be time to walk away. Ask yourself if this is the behavior you would accept from a close friend or anyone else in the family.
Make no mistake: cutting off a sibling isn't what anyone would want or hope for, but as the people I spoke to agreed, sometimes it's the wise and necessary choice: it's not healthy to hold on to someone who persistently hurts you. "Occasionally sibling relationships just don't work out," Collins told Insider.
There is no right way to deal with a toxic family member. Only you can decide how much contact is right for you. And you will know if and when you need to walk away in order to save yourself. Just know that its okay to end a toxic relationship even with a family member.
When the relationship creates so much stress that it affects the important areas of your life at work, home or both. When your emotions are totally caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself and the chaos of your relationships with these people is all you talk about, it is time to let go.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
Until your sister acknowledges the harm she's caused and the lack of emotional awareness she's mixing into your relationship, taking some space is absolutely fine. Cutting off a family member with these toxic traits is justified, but you might consider leaving the door open to reconciliation later on down the road.
The number of Americans who are completely estranged from a sibling is relatively small—probably less than 5 percent, says Karl Pillemer, a Cornell University professor.
Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships. You may be so accustomed to how your sibling has been treating you all of your life that you take it as a given.
A toxic sibling relationship is a relationship that is unbalanced in its power dynamic and may involve sibling abuse and dysfunctional sibling rivalry. Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favoritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse, and psychopathy.
Avoid visiting them, talking to them on the phone, or attending family gatherings where they're present. Notice how you feel when your relative isn't an active part of your life. Distancing yourself can create a sense of guilt, especially if you've been in a codependent relationship with your relative.
“There can be a real grieving process when cutting off a toxic family member,” says MacMillan. “Grief that the relationship is not working, especially if it once did. Recognizing this process takes time and cutting yourself a little slack when it comes to self-judgment is key.”
Sibling alienation occurs when one adult sibling wants to push aside another. While sibling alienation can occur at any point, one sibling may be especially tempted to alienate another in order to gain control of care-taking or inheritance outcomes with aging parents.
Many estranged siblings realize over time that a brother's or sister's narcissistic tendencies are the underlying cause of their toxic relationship.
The mental health effects of sibling estrangement
Research has found that if you experienced estrangement within your family, you are more likely to struggle with mental health issues related to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, low self-esteem, substance abuse, sleep disorders and suicidal ideation.
In general, across the world, Parents are obligated by law to care for their children, and children are obligated to care for their elderly parents, but no law requires siblings to care for each other. When your parents die, a guardian will most likely be appointed for your sibling.
Here's the thing: When we cut people out of our lives, we lose the opportunity to grow and understand their perspectives. We may save ourselves some pain and discomfort, but in doing so, we rob ourselves of the relationships themselves.
What does it mean to be the “black sheep” of the family? A “black sheep” is a family member who is marginalized, treated differently, or excluded by the rest of the family. Black sheep, also known as marginalized family members, often feel hurt, inadequate, and lonely.
It could be time to cut the person off if you or your child start to dread visiting that family member, especially if they only interact in negative ways with those around them. "Recognize that spending time apart from them is important to one's own mental health," adds Dr. Halpern.
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.