If your partner is ignoring you, communicate with them directly. “Sometimes we think we have made it clear what we need by dropping hints here and there, but often we haven't made it clear to our partner how we feel,” says May. “Lack of communication is one of the biggest things that kills a relationship.
Invalidation is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse and can make the recipient feel like they're going crazy! What's scary, it can be one of the most subtle and unintentional abuses. The invalidated person will often leave a conversation feeling confused and full of self-doubt.
For some people, shutting down emotionally is a response to feeling overstimulated. It doesn't have anything to do with you or how they feel about you. If your husband or partner shuts down when you cry, for example, it may be because they don't know the best way to handle that display of emotions.
Why People Emotionally Shut Down. Trauma, prolonged stress, anxiety, depression and grief all contribute to feeling emotionally shut down. Nemmers says medication, while lifesaving for many, can also trigger a side effect of emotional numbness.
Emotional invalidation often happens due to a lack of skill on the part of the person who is invalidating. One partner may not have the capacity to effectively deal with strong emotions in other people. They may be uncomfortable with their own emotions.
Gaslighting
One of the most common strategies that narcissists use to invalidate you is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where an individual tries to manipulate you into questioning your perception of reality and recollection of events and experiences.
Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It says to someone: “Your feelings don't matter. Your feelings are wrong.” Emotional invalidation can make you feel unimportant or irrational. It can take many forms and happen at any time.
The word for this is ostracism (exclusion, banishment). The psychology behind the silent treatment is that it can be a mind game for some people and, in some cases, can be used as a form of manipulation. Along with the emotional roller-coaster, it tears down your sense of self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Some partners may have communication challenges about expressing emotions, particularly if they're upset. But, deliberately ignoring or disengaging from you can be a form of toxic relationship punishment.
A key difference between gaslighting and invalidating is that gaslighting intentionally seeks to manipulate or make the other person question themself. Invalidating dismisses or ignores the feelings or experiences of the other person, making them feel like they, or the experience, aren't important.
Usually, you can fix that problem by just being direct and assertive, such as “I feel like you're invalidating the way I feel. I don't need you to fix it or judge it. I just need you to listen to me right now.”
This at the heart of what narcissism is all about. To the narcissist, they are more important than everyone else. And emotional invalidation is meant to be used as a tool to gain control of you. That way you are subservient to the narcissist.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
Narcissists need control, which is often the reason why they ignore people. They do not like to feel vulnerable or exposed and will use their power to forgive someone for maintaining that control. Unfortunately, narcissists also lack empathy, so it can be challenging to understand how their behaviour affects others.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Emotional detachment involves the disconnection from emotions, particularly ones involved in interpersonal relationships. It can present as numbness and may lead to relationship and communication problems, difficulty feeling or expressing empathy, or other emotional regulation difficulties.
When someone has shut down, they certainly look like they don't care. The facial expression is usually neutral, there is little to no expression of emotion, and voice tone becomes monotonous. Answers to questions are short, and you begin to interpret all of this as indifference.
feel overwhelmed — unable to concentrate or make decisions. be moody — feeling low or depression; feeling burnt out; emotional outbursts of uncontrollable anger, fear, helplessness or crying.
In a relationship or marriage emotional neglect is when a partner consistently fails to notice, attend to, and respond in a timely manner to a partner or spouse's feelings. In both instances, it has far-reaching negative consequences for the relationship.
An invalidated person may have experienced gaslighting, which is when one partner (or another person) makes them feel like their emotions are ridiculous and invalid.