Lack of intimacy is one of the top predictors of divorce. While intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage, reduced intimacy can be due to children or busy work lives.
The Four Horsemen are four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce, according to research by psychologist and renowned marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph. D. Those four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
For over 40 years, John and Julie Gottman have studied couples' interactions with each other and have found that the number one predictor of divorce is contempt for your partner.
#1 Predictor of Divorce | The single best predictor of divorce is contempt.
Yes, that eye-rolling, disgusted, angry disdain that some people display when discussing problems with their other halves is a sure sign they're headed for divorce. Dr Gottman saw this as a clear pattern in his work with troubled couples.
Divorce is disruptive enough for children of divorce without their parents involved in heated disputes. As a result, I take the approach and utilize what I call the three C's of Divorce with my clients and opposing counsel. Communication, Cooperation and Clarification.
After watching thousands of couples argue in his lab, he was able to identify specific negative communication patterns that predict divorce. He called them The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Communication skills, intimacy, and conflict resolution techniques are traits that predict marital satisfaction. In addition, negative communication behaviors such as criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling are predictions of dissatisfaction in marriage.
Lower income — stress associated with lower socioeconomic. Premarital cohabitation — couples who get engaged and then move in together have a commitment to marriage, reducing the risk of divorce. Childbearing and pregnancy prior to marriage, no religious affiliation, parents' divorce are other risk factors.
A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher.
In a study done by Pennsylvania State University, the top reasons men listed for divorce was incompatibility, infidelity, lack of communication and personality problems. There are times where life chews you up and spits you out.
In fact, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. That doesn't exactly make you want to run to the altar. In fact, it leaves many couples who are experiencing a second chance at love questioning whether marriage could ruin their relationship.
According to various studies, the 4 most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity or extramarital affairs, too much conflict and arguing, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners.
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, & Stonewalling.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
Sexual satisfaction proved to be a main predictor of relationship satisfaction in both sexes. For women, interpersonal closeness was additionally important, with a sense of closeness found to be even more important than sexual satisfaction for women cohabiting with their partners.
Trust is the first and perhaps most important predictor of long-term relational success. Without trust, none of the other six keys that follow will have much meaning.
Withdrawing emotionally and generally appearing distant could be signs your spouse is considering divorce. Avoiding affection, disengaging from conversations, and opting out of activities you used to enjoy together are all red flags. These are often some of the first signs that something is wrong in the marriage.
Anger: The feeling of helplessness (whether it be toward the divorce because it is your spouse that wants it or toward your spouse, who you can't force to accept it) often fuels anger. People experiencing this stage will often be aggressive and blame their spouse, other family members, or circumstances on the divorce.
You like 90% of your partner's habits but that last 10% gets on your first and last nerve.
Basically it comes down to three important things — resilience, respect, and responsiveness. Showing respect is one of the most powerful, loving things a couple can do in their marriage. Remember the childhood expression “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never harm me.” Well, that's a myth.