Manning encourages, “In my experience, people with BPD do not do well in relationships with those who are emotionally insensitive, but can thrive in relationships with people who are willing to experience and talk about their emotions.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
You can change the relationship by managing your own reactions, establishing firm limits, and improving communication between you and your loved one. There's no magic cure but with the right treatment and support, many people with BPD can and do get better and their relationships can become more stable and rewarding.
They can go from being the perfect match to experiencing splitting, distrust, and even hating one another in an instant. But if they are both willing to acknowledge that they have this problem, they could help each other through it with a lot of maturity and respect.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Idealizing During this initial “honeymoon phase,” your partner with BPD is extremely enthusiastic about the relationship. They think you're absolutely perfect; you're everything they've been searching for! Things move fast, and you're caught up in the passion and excitement. It feels great to be loved so deeply.
Partners suffering from BPD are frequently chastised, marginalized, and stigmatized, yet the truth is they deserve love and compassion just as much as everyone else.
People with BPD often have intense emotions and impulsive behaviors. People with BPD may blame other people for their behaviors and emotions. A person with BPD can be in a loving relationship if certain adjustments are made.
Individuals with symptoms of borderline personality disorder may experience great pain when their romantic partners leave them. If you are breaking up with someone with BPD, being compassionate and gentle will benefit both you and your loved one. Blame and defensiveness is best avoided when breaking up a relationship.
Avoid misusing alcohol or caffeine, as these also can intensify mood instability. BPD sometimes includes symptoms of self-harm or substance abuse. Since food does have an impact on moods, it's important to incorporate mindfulness into your eating.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
The effects of BPD in intimate relationships. People affected by BPD often have highly unstable intimate relationships. Usually of above average intelligence, they tend to fall in love easily, sometimes without getting to know the person.
Many people with BPD also have gifts of being highly intuitive, passionate, empathic, and creative. Through healing, someone who has had BPD can still reach their potential as a uniquely gifted parent. However, not everyone has the support and resources they need to grow and heal.
There's also a lot of anecdotal evidence from other people's experiences that suggest 2-4 years is more common. So, if you want to know how long your relationships might last if you have BPD, it really does depend on the intensity of your condition.
Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) commonly have a favorite person (FP), whom they are heavily emotionally attached to and dependent on. This study aims to identify and illustrate the patterns of destructive FP relationships based on actual experiences described by those with BPD.
Recognize in your loved one's abilities and help them realize their own potential rather than taking on their challenges for them. Let them know that you support them and believe in them. Help them take steps to become more self-sufficient, not less. Of course, this does not mean ignoring legitimate crises.
Likewise, a person with BPD is more likely to have been sexually abused or otherwise victimized. 1 These issues can make cheating more likely in some people. BPD affects everyone differently, however; not all people with BPD cheat. But having unstable personal relationships is a hallmark symptom of this condition.
Borderline personality disorder can impact relationships.
“Relationships with an untreated BPD individual can feel exhausting, a never-ending process of putting out fires,” says Gilbert. Sometimes those with BPD are aware of how their symptoms can be destructive to relationships.
When a person has BPD, they often feel emotions more intensely, are easily triggered, have abandonment issues, a frail sense of self, and react impulsively and unpredictably. These mental health issues can take a toll on you, your partner, and the relationship.
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.