There is no hard and fast rule as to who should give the eulogy speech at a funeral. It's typically given by those who were particularly close, or had a special relationship with, the loved one who passed. It could be a best friend, a spouse, a child or grandchild, or even a co-worker.
A eulogy is a speech given at a memorial or funeral service.
Who reads the eulogy at a funeral? Typically the eulogy at a funeral is given by someone who was close to the person who died. For example, children might give a eulogy at a parent's funeral. But a eulogy can be delivered by family or friends of the person who passed away.
A eulogy is most often written by an immediate family member or loved one of the deceased individual. This person should have spent a lot of time with the deceased and know them better than anybody else. Anybody can be a eulogizer from parents, to friends, to children.
At a graveside service the officiant—either a religious leader or a funeral director—will usually recite prayers or readings before the casket is lowered into the ground.
When attending a service, be on time and enter the house of worship or location where the funeral will be held as quietly as possible. If there are no ushers, remember that the seats closer to the front should be taken by very close friends, with acquaintances seating themselves in the middle or towards the rear.
At the funeral service, family traditionally sit on the right-hand side while friends, colleagues and other mourners sit on the left. Immediate family and close friends sit in the front few rows.
Traditional funeral roles
Typically, you will need someone to lead the ceremony, known as the officiant. This is usually a religious leader or someone else with experience leading funerals.
The officiant will usually lead the procession and pallbearers carrying the coffin tend to follow. Immediate family and close friends will often walk behind the coffin, followed by other guests.
Speaking at a memorial service is an honour. It gives you the privilege of paying respect to the person who has died, and of helping those who have gathered for the event. Speaking at your father's funeral is a special way of honouring him and the relationship you had with him.
It is not written anywhere that you have to speak at your loved one's funeral. There are no rules requiring such a moment. If you feel compelled to greet and thank all those gathered or share your thoughts about your loved one, write your thoughts and have someone else read your words during the service.
In a eulogy, do not say anything about the person's cause of death, grudges and old grievances, arguments, character flaws, family rifts, or negative memories. Instead, share good memories and leave it out when in doubt.
Stealing anything from a deceased person or their family is obviously a no-go. Even “just a flower or two,” is also disrespectful. Alternative: Some families may offer up extra flowers to their guests as well as other gifts as a “thank you.” In this case, it's obviously OK to accept these items.
For your opening statement, introduce yourself and who you were to the deceased. For example: “Hello everyone, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Jim and I'm Flora's oldest grandchild.” “Hi everybody, as Lisa just mentioned, my name is Tracey, and Anthony was my best friend from the age of 5.”
The spouse of the deceased
There are certainly no rules against a spouse speaking at a loved one's funeral, but it does not seem to occur very often. Often, the spouse's emotions are too raw to focus enough to write a speech.
In general, if you're on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse's life at one time. Even if you've gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real. If you were on good terms, you'll likely be welcome to any funeral events.
Choosing pallbearers if you are arranging a funeral
Both men and women can be pallbearers, and many people often choose either family members or close friends of the deceased to carry the coffin. Traditionally, there are four to six pallbearers at a funeral, depending on the weight of the coffin.
This is often called a viewing or a wake. Guests come to pay their respects to the deceased by viewing their casketed body and spending time with the grieving family. A visitation can occur at any time before the funeral service.
The person who speaks at a life celebration should be someone close to the person who has died. This could be a family member, friend, or coworker. The speaker should be able to share stories and memories that will capture the essence of the person who has died.
A funeral service is an opportunity for family, friends and acquaintances to pay their respects to the person who has died. It is generally open to anyone who wishes to attend, though the family may state it's a private service, in which case it's exclusively for family members and close friends.
As a general rule, everyone is welcome at a funeral and you don't need to wait for an invitation. This includes those who didn't know the deceased but would like to offer their support to the family or another guest. Witnessing a big turnout at a funeral is often a great source of comfort to the bereaved family.
Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral? It's not only okay to smile at a funeral but it's also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It's also a nonverbal way of showing support.