The therapy relationship is not different. Instead, it is actually a reflection of other relationships in your life. Therefore, you will grow attached to your therapist in much the same way as you become attached to others in your life who are safe and trustworthy.
Transference is therapist lingo for what happens when you experience really strong feelings toward your therapist that aren't really about your therapist. Transference is often (though not always) the culprit when you feel triggered, emotionally hurt, or misunderstood in a therapy session.
It's natural to be curious about your therapist and their experiences. Go ahead and ask, respecting their decision and boundaries, and be ready to first answer why you want to know. This can help us both get at what's really driving the question, and how it maybe relates to your issues–though of course it won't always.
Acknowledge that these feelings are normal!
In fact, without a secure attachment, your therapy journey can take much longer! Establishing a secure attachment with your counsellor is something they will encourage, so there is no reason for embarrassment or reluctance to discuss it with them.
Waichler explains, “The therapeutic relationship between patient and therapist is an intimate one.” Strong feelings and emotions are involved in therapy so it's not surprising many people develop romantic feelings for their therapist.
Don't get us wrong—you'll only hear that in therapist-to-therapist talk. They won't tell you that. It's too dangerous. A therapist will almost never say, “I love you,” even if they feel or think it.
According to new research, 72 percent of therapists surveyed felt friendship toward their clients. 70 percent of therapists had felt sexually attracted to a client at some point; 25 percent fantasized about having a romantic relationship.
Changes In Behavior. Small changes in behavior can often be the first sign that a therapist is attracted to a client. At this point, the therapist might not be fully aware of the attraction, leading them to act on emotions they would otherwise keep in check. The therapist might seem more flirtatious, and even seductive ...
When is it OK to hug your therapist? If you believe you're safe and comfortable with a hug from your therapist, it doesn't hurt to ask for one. Of course, your therapist has a right to say no.
We feel more confident in the care we'll receive
It might also help us feel more confident about how well we'll be treated as a “good patient.” “People may also be under the impression that they would receive better care if their therapist likes them,” Beroldi said. That impression isn't totally unfounded, either.
There's a long-standing joke that therapists are always asking their clients, “How does that make you feel?” and frankly, I do often ask my clients that question because it's necessary. In asking them how they feel, they are asked to examine their emotions and become more aware.
As a client, you are allowed to ask your therapist just about anything. And, it is possible that the therapist will not or cannot answer the question for a variety of reasons. Some counselors believe strongly in being a "blank screen" or "mirror" in therapy.
“It totally makes sense for a person to be asking questions of someone with whom they're going to be sharing their intimate self.” The short answer to the question is: Yes. If you have a question, you should ask. Your questions are valid and likely relevant to the therapeutic process.
Transference is when someone redirects their feelings about one person onto someone else. During a therapy session, it usually refers to a person transferring their feelings about someone else onto their therapist. Countertransference is when a therapist transfers feelings onto the patient.
The bottom line: Sexual intimacies with former clients are strongly discouraged by the APA Ethics Code at any point in time. At the same time, as in most ethical decisions, the code cannot take away all judgments.
Signs of Transference in Therapy
Misplaced feelings: One person tells the other what they want to tell someone from their past, such as “stop trying to control me!” Inappropriate thoughts: An individual develops a crush or feels sexual attraction to the other person.
If you find yourself putting off making your own decisions until you see your therapist, you may have become too dependent. Sure, your therapist can guide you, but he or she shouldn't be making decisions for you. The goal of therapy is to learn tools and methods that can help you eventually take care of your own needs.
Can I become friends with my therapist after therapy? Going by the ACA and APA codes, the same rules apply to former patients as to current ones. Social interactions between therapists and patients are only allowed if they're potentially beneficial to the patients.
She thinks of you between sessions
The time between therapy sessions is often marked by thoughtful reflection and feelings about the work, for both you and your therapist.
Hands. Your client's hands can give you clues about how they're reacting to what comes up in the session. Trembling fingers can indicate anxiety or fear. Fists that clench or clutch the edges of clothing or furniture can suggest anger.
Whether therapist's demonstrate their emotions outward or not, I have no doubt they feel with you. They feel your sadness, they feel the joy at your successes and they also feel righteous anger for you. Your therapist is likely more alongside you in your journey to healing than you know.
If you feel loved by your therapist, this might be telling us something about your transference onto him/ her. And it might also be because your therapist genuinely feels loving towards you.
Talk to your therapist about appropriate ways to show your appreciation. The fact that you want to demonstrate your appreciation of them is sure to give them the warm and fuzzies. REMEMBER: Don't be offended if you offer any of these tokens and your therapist doesn't accept them.