It may be because of emotional baggage, the desire to assert control or independence, to test boundaries, or simply, because people may just expect a lot from the other. Some may have a fear of intimacy, due to cultural upbringing, or because of living through traumatic or abusive relationships.
You may hurt the one you love the most simply because they are the ones that are mostly around. Our emotions, thoughts and behaviours are in constant interplay. If we have a negative mood, we are therefore more likely to act in ways that match our emotional state or get triggered by innocuous and harmless stimuli.
There are various reasons why you may feel that you're engaging in mean or rude behavior, even if they're not immediately apparent to you. For example, an underlying mental health condition, a lack of social skills, cultural differences, or low self-esteem could all be potential causes.
According to Brené Brown's infamous Ted Talk, shame is “the fear of disconnection”. People who carry a lot of shame think they are “unworthy of love and connection”. So, when we lash out at the people we love, it's because we fear disconnection. The more shame we carry around with us, the worse our behaviour is.
Individuals with undiagnosed anxiety may find themselves lashing out and becoming frustrated over everyday occurrences that usually do not warrant an emotional reaction. Road rage is a perfect example of this. Traffic and crowds are often triggers of anxiety, which can result in becoming angry with people on the road.
It could be something as simple as being hungry or tired. Or, maybe something recently happened in your life that has you feeling scared, angry, or stressed out. Mental health struggles can also make you irritable, so if you haven't taken one of our mental health test yet, try that.
Reasons People Hate Their Family
The factors that lead a person to hate their family or members of their family can vary. Toxic behaviors, abuse, neglect, or conflict are just a few factors that can lead to feelings of animosity and that may cause you to feel no connection to your family.
For the most part, it comes down to jealousy. People who are deliberately mean are so lacking in their own self-worth that they're jealous of anyone who can simply smile and be happy. They hate that they're happy because they can't be themselves.
Hurting the ones you love happens when you tend to ruin things even when they are going well. There are many reasons for self-sabotage, including unresolved childhood trauma and fears. If you link intimacy to negative experiences in your past, you tend to portray a push-and-pull behavior.
Trauma Bonding is when we are attracted to someone because they remind us of our past traumas. A good example of this would be if you have an ex who broke your heart, you might be attracted to people who remind you of that person.
When you feel strongly for a person, who doesn't reciprocate the same feelings, you feel rejected. This hurts, because you may start to believe that something is wrong with you. Romantic rejection not only leaves behind emotional scars, but also physical pain.
Being loved arouses anxiety because it threatens long-standing psychological defenses formed early in life in relation to emotional pain and rejection, therefore leaving a person feeling more vulnerable.
Why do we say hurtful things to those we love? People say hurtful things for different reasons, the most common being anger. People might also say hurtful things to manipulate their partners or relieve their pain to their partner's detriment.
Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem.
Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits. Researchers have discovered that threatened self-esteem drives a lot of aggression.
An excessively nice person might never be really known on a deep level or taken seriously. Their preferences might be over-ridden, and they could be neglected. It can even impact your job. Being too accommodating can make you a bit invisible, because you never stand for anything.
This difficulty may stem from certain personality traits, worries about the thoughts of others, low self-esteem, and challenging circumstances. If you'd like to be kinder, you might try making eye contact, smiling, using your conversation partner's name, and being a good listener during interactions.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
Why do I feel no connection to my family? Disappointment from unmet expectations is typically the underlying cause of feeling no connection to family. Mental health therapist Amira R Martin, LCSW-R, explains that some of the signs of a dysfunctional family include: poor communication or conflict avoidance.
A short temper can be caused by numerous reasons.
It is often traced to childhood and how someone was raised. Sometimes, it is linked to another mental health condition, like anxiety or depression. If someone is outspoken and has a strong personality, they are more likely to be short-tempered.
A nervous breakdown, also known as a mental health crisis or mental breakdown, describes a period of intense mental distress. A person having a nervous breakdown is temporarily not able to function in their everyday life.
Sometimes overreacting can be related to past trauma or even just a sign that you're feeling stressed, anxious, or emotionally overwhelmed. If your overreaction is related to past trauma, it can be a way of expressing what you were unable to express at the time.