And you're not alone. When we become attached to someone who's toxic or emotionally harmful, we experience something called “attachment ambivalence”. Attachment ambivalence refers to that anxiety-provoking state of feeling emotionally pulled toward someone that logically we know isn't good for us.
"Chances are, if you have a toxic ex that has a strong hold over you, probably one of the reasons they are an ex is that you were never quite fulfilled in that relationship. The relationship never materialised to its potential, leaving you yearning for more attention and affection."
Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said.
Is it normal to still be sexually attracted to your ex? “Mutual desire and attraction are a cornerstone of relationships, so it's very common for some of those feelings to remain after a break-up,” adds Dr Vowels.
Every situation is different, but if you're single, Overstreet said fantasizing about an ex does not necessarily mean that you want to go back to that person. Rather, she explained, fantasizing “could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship” and draw on it for pleasure in the present moment.
When you close one chapter of your life through a breakup, hooking up with your ex can feel like you're backsliding, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are. It's completely normal, and fairly common, for people to hook up with an ex lover because it feels physically familiar, according to therapist Matt Lundquist.
After all, when someone has been a toxic relationship partner, it's doubtful that he or she will be that great of a friend. Reality check: Toxic ex-partners may not miss you, but they sure do miss what you provided for them.
We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.
The best way to irk someone is to make them believe you are over them. Don't stalk their social media, do not post anything regarding them, no angry messages, no emotional songs and quotes. This will make the person wonder where you went and how you can so easily forget them.
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.
Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else's fault.
Knowing that your partner is hanging out or communicating with their ex is a hard pill to swallow. But most of the time, those fears are projecting your own insecurities. Feeling threatened by an ex is a normal feeling — but it's not a red flag.
If your ex calls you often, and it isn't to catch up on things, there is a good chance that he might be thinking about you. If he calls to ask you out or if he calls during times when you never used to talk before, it means he has missed your relationship and can't live without you.
Being in love creates disruptions in your brain chemistry that increase dopamine, the chemical responsible for making you feel euphorically good anytime you're around your ex. Your brain is hard-wired to enjoy the feeling of dopamine, so it releases even more every time you think about your partner.
Making out and doing it in public is another fantasy most men and even women have. That adrenaline rush they get when they fear someone can walk in anytime, arouses them. The risk of getting caught is there in almost 82% of both men and women's imagination as per a study.
"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."
It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make an large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup.
An addiction to a person involves obsessive thoughts about the relationship, feelings of hope, anticipation, waiting, confusion, and desperation. Addictive relationships are toxic and very powerful. Healthy relationships do not involve constant drama and continual feelings of longing.