These hateful comments are used to make you feel insecure and unstable as a person so you begin to depend on the narcissist for support. The hurtful words are used in combination with abusive communication styles including but not limited to: stonewalling. unnecessary criticism.
The evilness of narcissists may be utilitarian, not because it is “in their nature.” They act cruelly because, first, it is more convenient than telling people they are hurt, and second, it is advantageous for them to control others.
Their Self-Esteem or Image Has Been Harmed
A Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist thinks their self-esteem or self-worth is threatened. Because narcissists have very low self-esteem, they become incredibly defensive and frustrated when their shortcomings are pointed out.
It's a way for narcissists to avoid responsibility for their behavior and make their victims feel like they deserve everything bad that happens to them because of something they did wrong.
Studies show that the tendency to make cruel remarks is a personality trait of narcissists, because they: See themselves as superior and more important than everyone else, and therefore more deserving.
By deliberately hurting you a narcissist is able to obtain a tangible representation of their “greatness”. It makes them feel like they are better than you, which validates and reassures their grandiose sense of self, because they can see that you are in a weak and vulnerable position.
They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness. These emotions, however, don't often have roots in empathy.
Narcissists have an excessive need to be in control of their environment and other people and feel entitled to their unconditional attention and admiration. When these needs are threatened, their reaction is often extreme and they either become enraged or passive-aggressive.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
They may feel impatient or angry when special treatment is denied and that may escalate conflicts. Most narcissists who may experience narcissistic rage feel easily downtrodden or negated when others act superior. It is hard for them to stay calm and control emotions, behavior, stress, and changes in their own life.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Many narcissists, at some point or other, do become aware of the effect their behaviors have on other people, but they are completely indifferent to it.
The reason youve found yourself the target of narcissistic hatred is that they view love as a weakness and consequently, it repulses them. But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. This is why they seem to hate you but wont let you go easily.
If you can make someone afraid of you, then you have a far greater chance of manipulating them and controlling them, and that is why a narcissist will seek to destroy the sense of love within you and your ability to love rather than to live.
People who narcissists have hurt suffer, and so do the narcissist themselves. The best way to work toward less suffering in the world is by seeing the victim in the villain so everyone can have a chance at happiness. Laura Silverstein is a mental health professional with a passion for bridging differences.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
remember that ignoring them is the only way to truly hurt a narcissist forever.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Tease, ridicule, and shame them mercilessly for not trying to figure out right from wrong, instead, pretending to have it all figured out. Stay calm, even friendly, to the person cowering inside their absolute narcissistic fake infallibility cloak. Stay light, even humorous.
An injured narcissist will go into a narcissistic rage and self-sabotage relationships with their loved ones or at work in order to preserve their false self at all cost. They will hold the critic in contempt and view them as a threat for their survival.
Individuals who are in recovery after a relationship with a narcissistic partner describe feelings of confusion, procrastination, low self-esteem, fear of failure, and worthlessness. A narcissistic abuser may use financial abuse to keep the victim trapped in the relationship.
Regret can occur if your action hurts someone else, or if it hurts you, including the potential to hurt you. For a narcissist, they can experience regret, but their regret is inward focused and is void of concern for how it could have affected someone else.