Confidence and self-esteem play a vital role when it comes to love. However, many people are unable to find love because they don't think they're worthy of having it. These types of beliefs often have roots reaching as far back as early childhood and can have a huge impact on our lives.
Philophobia is the fear of love or being loved (philo meaning love; phobia meaning fear). At first this might seem like a silly or uncommon fear, but it affects more people than you may realize.
Being loved arouses anxiety because it threatens long-standing psychological defenses formed early in life in relation to emotional pain and rejection, therefore leaving a person feeling more vulnerable.
If someone has internalized limiting beliefs of self-worth or thinks they are not "enough," they may consider themselves unworthy of receiving love and predict painful rejection. Similarly, they may perceive themselves as unable to provide love or affection and fear causing someone else pain.
It could be past trauma, unfamiliarity with receiving, feelings of unworthiness, and much more. Regardless, it is very common to feel resistance to receiving love in compliments, affection, accepting help, and more.
It might be challenging for you to show affection because your own family wasn't very affectionate. Or, you may have trauma to work through that makes expressing affection hard. It's also possible that you just naturally aren't someone who expresses their love for others through affection.
In many ways, this is an understandable response. We feel alone, insecure or vulnerable, and being with others feel makes us less so. This urge towards relatedness fulfills not just our need for protection and security but also for purpose and direction in life.
It is that feeling truly seen, heard and understood, we want that. But when we get it, it can feel like too much. And it's this like naked raw vulnerability and exposure that we feel when someone truly sees us, flaws and all it can be overwhelming. even feel terrifying for some of us.
Low self-esteem can cause feelings of repulsion toward love or relationships. If you do not feel attractive, valuable, or loveable, you may subconsciously feel that others will not see you in this way. Low self-esteem can be improved through self-care and practices that increase self-compassion, like meditation.
Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth. Arachibutyrophobia is a rare phobia that involves a fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth.
About a third of never-married single adults (35%) say that they have never been in a committed romantic relationship.
There's the possibility that you don't actually feel romantic love at all. There's a word for that! It's called being 'aromantic'. Like asexuals, who don't feel, or feel limited sexual attraction to others, aromantics don't feel romantic attraction to others.
18% of the study's female participants said that they've never been in love before. They're also less likely to fall head-over-heels. Researchers found that a woman will fall in love 2.9 times over the course of her lifetime, while a man will top that by falling in love 3.7 times.
Real love is an action, a choice made every second of every day to put someone else before yourself. Whoa, right? As human beings, that is a tough thing to do. Even tougher is finding someone else who would do the same for you, as in the case of a wife and husband or even parents and children.
In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around the other person. Or you might feel like you always have to hide what you really think or feel. You might even feel like you have to give up the things that you really want in order to keep the other person happy.
In an emotionally unsafe relationship, there is an overarching feeling of disconnect, defensiveness, and tension. You feel distrustful of each other. You may also feel like you can't speak your mind, be vulnerable, or show your true feelings because you are afraid of how others will react.
The need to be loved, as experiments by Bowlby and others have shown, could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs.
They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found someone with whom they're truly compatible.
You Have Low Self-Esteem or Self-Worth
Or you might have low self-esteem and struggle with feeling that you are unloveable. Instead of facing the possibility of rejection, you might decide to avoid love altogether. Whatever the reason, it's important to be honest about why you don't want to fall in love.
The answer is elaborate. When a woman lacks intimacy in marriage, it can have a significant impact on her emotional and physical health. The lack of physical touch, emotional connection, and sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem.
Fear is often the reason why people find it hard to express their emotions openly and honestly. We can learn how to express difficult emotions to others by first learning how to be emotionally vulnerable with ourselves.
Signs of emotional unavailability include fear of intimacy, trouble expressing emotions, and commitment anxiety. “It's not something you can fix for them, nor is it something they can quickly and easily change about themselves for you,” Jernigan says.