Psychologists say that people start being mean to other people when they are angry, sad or hurt or when they were treated poorly by others. Sounds crazy – why do something to others that made you feel bad? Well, they do it because they want to get rid of that bad feeling by giving it to others.
Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem.
Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits.
For the most part, it comes down to jealousy. People who are deliberately mean are so lacking in their own self-worth that they're jealous of anyone who can simply smile and be happy. They hate that they're happy because they can't be themselves.
There can be many root causes for rudeness, such as insecurity or fear. People are often rude after being on the receiving end of rudeness. Researchers have found that “just like the common cold, common negative behaviors can spread easily and have significant consequences.” In other words… Rude is contagious!
The best way to avoid rude people is to meet their acts of rudeness with kindness and then remove yourself from their presence. If you can't do this and can't walk away, try grey rocking, which involves acting as unresponsive as possible like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions when conversing.
Yes, people can change behaviors, but they need to first become accountable for those, and then be convinced they should (or want to) change them. Hurtful behaviors — such as lying, cheating, dismissing, or controlling — are often habits that turn into harmful behavior patterns.
They may simply be so self-absorbed that they are unaware of others, motivated to meet their own needs, and just oblivious even when it is at the expense of others. They may unwittingly say or do something hurtful, push their way in front of others, or disregard normal social behavior.
A person who hates people is sometimes called a misanthrope. While it is not a mental disorder, misanthropy may sometimes be a sign of a mental health condition, such as anxiety, depression, or antisocial personality disorder.
For most of us, hurting others causes us to feel their pain. And we don't like this feeling. This suggests two reasons people may harm the harmless – either they don't feel the others' pain or they enjoy feeling the others' pain. Another reason people harm the harmless is because they nonetheless see a threat.
Most of the time, it's because people think they have the power to make others do what they want. They may not even realize it, but sometimes they're trying to control you. And if you don't conform to their rules, they try to teach you a lesson. They're just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
The truth about mean people is that they rarely ever realize that they are mean. To them, this is just the way life works. To a mean person, everyone else is mean, as they simply don't see things the way they do.
People with toxic traits know they have them
It's natural to assume someone's bad behavior is a conscious choice. But many people with toxic traits don't realize that their behavior impacts others. You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly.
Toxic people love to manipulate those around them to get what they want. This means lying, bending the truth, exaggerating, or leaving out information so that you take a certain action or have a certain opinion of them. They'll do whatever it takes, even if it means hurting people.
Bad people can do important, even profound, good deeds. Time, of course, smoothes out these men's failings, letting their great contributions shine through. We can, in the end, separate the men from their contributions, and just focus on the contributions.
The motivation to pursue a new direction comes from a sense of independence, a sense of competence, and a sense of connectedness to others. As described in self-determination theory, a sense of independence means the person is making the decision to change for themselves, not due to external forces.
Personality may change somewhat over time, but not greatly. These changes do not seem to be systematically related to thinking skills or other common changes we experience in ageing. This suggests that we can retain our individuality as we age. Don't worry about your personality.
Rudeness, particularly with respect to speech, is necessarily confrontational at its core. Forms of rudeness include acting inconsiderate, insensitive, deliberately offensive, impolite, obscenity, profanity and violating taboos such as deviancy.