Competition, jealousy, sharing, and expectations make twinship a hard relationship to navigate. Twins are sometimes confused as to who they are in relationship to each other. It's important not to make twins feel guilty or ashamed if they don't get along.
The undiscovered mistaken identity
The absolute worst and hardest part is this mistaken identity, not being discovered at all. Imagine all the people, whom only my twin knows, walking by me and wondering why I am aloof, arrogant or forgetful, not recognizing or remembering who they were.
Being a twin has its benefits—tricking people, having a lifelong companion, sharing clothes—but it also has downsides. Many twins struggle to cultivate their own identities, while being so similar to one another. And that struggle lasts a lifetime, according to a recent study.
Twin psychology has been studied to a very limited extent. Only few remarkable peculiarities of the twins'" development are known for sure, such as delayed intellectual development, language retardation with frequent cryptophasia, difficulties and fragility of self consciousness, reduced sociability.
One study on the twin relationship found that “individuation and connectedness may complement rather than compete with one another.” Twins have the potential to find even more success in romantic relationships because of all the hours clocked practicing empathy and the emotional give-and-take necessary for effective ...
As twins separate in adolescence and go their own ways, anger and sometimes estrangement from one another is more common than most people would imagine or believe. The attachment that twins share is seriously hard to disentangle and creates strong expectations and disappointment.
Adult twins will experience loneliness, which is inevitable and can lead to emotional confusion, depression, and being overwhelmed. Nontwins will not understand the depth of your loneliness, which will only gradually fade into the background as you make new friends and get engaged in life without your twin.
There are twins who say they have felt each other's pain. And their close relationship and nearly-identical physical structure means there could be a sliver of truth in the theory — as pain can be psychological and can be felt empathetically.
It's the feeling of never being completely alone; there's always someone on your side. Being a twin doesn't feel like there is another “you.” Instead it feels like together we make one; that we complement and complete each other. We are the Yin to each other's Yang! It's having a teammate for life.
Twins are always the same age, and they usually share a similar environment, both in the womb and while growing up. Identical twins share 100% of their genes, while fraternal twins share only about half their genes (just like regular siblings). The concept of concordance is important in twin studies.
It's the feeling of never being completely alone; there's always someone on your side. Being a twin doesn't feel like there is another “you.” Instead it feels like together we make one; that we complement and complete each other. We are the Yin to each other's Yang! It's having a teammate for life.
Since bed rest is common for women pregnant with twins after 30 weeks—or 7.5 months—be prepared to go on maternity leave earlier than you'd think, just in case. “Having twins is not twice as hard—it's exponentially more difficult.”
The study found that positive identity is stronger for nonidentical twins who are sexually different, while identical twins tend to experience a more negative identity status. The identical twins may particularly have trouble with identity development because their parents tend to treat them in the same manner.
Some say that twins are always hard (yet amazing), while others say they truly didn't find them to be difficult. A few said that the first two months with twins are easy (being in the rose-colored glasses phase), then reality hits from months 3-6 (when the sleep deprivation catches up), then it can get easier again.
Monoamniotic-monochorionic Twins
This is the rarest type of twin, and it means a riskier pregnancy as the babies can get tangled in their own umbilical cords. If you have monoamniotic-monochorionic twins, your healthcare provider will monitor your pregnancy closely.
Classically, the bigger twin is the more physically dominant. It's basic human nature, and particularly applicable to boys as they hit puberty. It happens often with singleton siblings too… the older is bigger and enforces him/herself through physical dominance.
It is likely that twins' awareness of one another starts sooner than seven or eight months of age. An article by the late doctor, T. Berry Brazelton, observed that at age three to four months, an infant identical female twin seemed disoriented when her sister was removed from the room.
Known as twin escalation syndrome (TES), the condition is defined by the tendency of multiples to copy and intensify the behavior of the other, cycling back and forth until the behavior becomes near-unbearable.
Identical twins have exactly the same DNA, but they are not exactly alike. Each twin has his or her own personality, talents, likes, and dislikes. There are even diseases that appear in one twin but not the other, including arthritis, diabetes, autism, schizophrenia, cancer, and many others.
"Twins tend to be closer than typical siblings — they share a bond that is oftentimes unexplainable," Maureen Healy, an expert on sensitive children and author of Growing Happy Kids, tells Romper. "Many believe this is rooted in genetics, such as identical twins sharing the same DNA."
Twins are born married. They share a primary attachment that is irreplaceable and forms a lifelong attachment and bond as well as an indelible identity. Sharing their in utero life is the beginning of their nonverbal communication and their need for closeness.
The results suggest that twin fetuses are aware of their counterparts in the womb, that they prefer to interact with them, and that they respond to them in special ways. Contact between them appeared to be planned—not an accidental outcome of spatial proximity, says study co-author Cristina Becchio of Turin.
Twins suffer more intensely than single-born individuals when they feel “alone.” Although it is hard to put into words, the intensity of twin loneliness makes understanding and managing such loneliness difficult and sometimes overwhelming for twins.
Major Mood Swings
If you're feeling incredibly moody, you could be expecting twins or multiples. Blame it on all those extra hormones (again!). Intense feelings can be overwhelming for you, but keep in mind that they can go as quickly as they come due to hormonal fluctuations.
Because multiple pregnancies are considered high risk, expecting multiple babies can be a stressful and anxious time. Research has shown that rates of antenatal anxiety and depression in multiple pregnancies are much higher than for those expecting a singleton.