Narcissists have a need to always win and, in their mind, winning at this divorce has high stakes and will become an obsession. The tactics used by the person you once loved and gave your heart to will leave you in shock and confusion, and the level to which they lie will cut to your core.
Narcissists tend to put up a strong fight and view divorce as a competition they must win. This adversarial attitude can result in bullying, exploitative behavior, and a refusal to negotiate rationally.
Behind the facade, however, narcissistic individuals often have a fragile self-esteem that is likely to crack under any pressure. The narcissist's need to defend his or her fragile sense of self can be especially acute during the divorce process, where each spouse's conduct is likely to be scrutinized and questioned.
Divorcing a narcissist can be an emotionally jarring experience for spouses and their children. Partners often feel scared, frustrated, and overwhelmed by the process. They may worry that they will be gaslit or have their reputation smeared during this time.
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
The narcissist may indeed regret this loss, but not out of any real concern for the person – instead, they experience regret because they no longer have someone to reflect their false sense of self back to them. It is a superficial kind of regret that has nothing to do with true empathy or understanding.
NO. Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again.
Narcissists are notorious for having extreme reactions, and the way they respond to divorce can be apocalyptic. Even if the narcissist wanted the divorce, the fact that the marriage ended tarnishes their image and makes them feel shame.
Ultimately, it is draining to be in a relationship with a narcissist, and you have to accept the fact they will never empathise with your feelings, no matter how long you are together. Some may learn to be self-aware in time, and learn to notice when they are hurting you.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
One way to outsmart a narcissist in a divorce is to try to anticipate their next move. You can do this by taking what might seem like extraordinary measures to protect yourself. For example, this might mean talking through a map of all possible vulnerabilities that you have.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
A narcissist will commonly try to incite guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to blame their partner for why the relationship failed. This maintains their grandiose perception of themselves and gives them the leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
Narcissists create superficial relationships and treat people and relationships as means to an end. Since their need to keep the benefits of the marriage clash with your need for freedom from the toxic marriage, divorcing them often turns out to be a nightmare.
An injured narcissist will go into a narcissistic rage and self-sabotage relationships with their loved ones or at work in order to preserve their false self at all cost. They will hold the critic in contempt and view them as a threat for their survival.
While the narcissist may not know that are being mean because this would require them to be able to understand how someone else feels, they do know that their actions will likely lead to you changing your behavior, which is usually by backing down in one way or the other.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
People who narcissists have hurt suffer, and so do the narcissist themselves. The best way to work toward less suffering in the world is by seeing the victim in the villain so everyone can have a chance at happiness. Laura Silverstein is a mental health professional with a passion for bridging differences.
True narcissists (people with NPD) don't usually miss their exes. What narcissists do miss, however, is the attention you gave them when you were together. They need their "narcissistic supply," someone to be a constant source of care and support.
Narcissists are deserving of love too
Everyone born into this reality is deserving of love, security, and affection. The narcissist is not exempt from that; however, their disorder can make it difficult for them to have healthy relationships.
For this reason, when the narcissist hurts you, they are unable and/or unwilling to understand how their actions negatively affect you. With this lack of empathy, the narcissist can actively engage in repeated abusive behaviors because they don't have to feel how they are making you feel.
Some narcissists may have healthy, loving relationships with their mothers, but many will struggle due to their narcissistic character traits. The narcissist's need for admiration and validation means they will often put unrealistic demands on their mothers, while their need for control makes them manipulative.