The Nine doesn't want to be upset by what is going on in their life, so if things aren't going well they tend to shut down. This means they disengage from themselves and figuring out what it is that they want in life or addressing their own needs.
Nines are Stuck and unsure how to get out of auto-pilot, unsure why you can't achieve your goals or finish anything you set your mind to. Feeling overwhelmed, which then leads to sluggishness and procrastination. Being so adaptable in personality, I forget myself and become what other people need me to be.
If you have Type 9s in your life, you probably already know they dislike conflict, but you may not know how intense it can be for them. Some Type 9s report they feel as if they vanish in the face of a serious disagreement, even if it isn't their own.
Type Nine in Brief
They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.
Things That Make Nines Mad:
Feeling ignored or unimportant. Feeling misunderstood because of their calm, easy-going nature. Harsh criticism. Being taken advantage of.
Nines get into the habit of forgetting themselves and going along with the wants and needs of other people. They fear that making things about them will lead to conflict or discomfort. But by repressing your desires, you're limiting your potential for growth.
At this level, the Nine's anger shows up in passive-aggressive reactions like agreeing to do something and then not doing it or failing to take care of their families or people who depend on them. They often use the “silent treatment” to get back at people who are bothering them or disrupting their inner peace.
The basic fear of the Type 9 is that they may lose or be separated from others. They may attempt to prevent this by remaining peaceful and avoiding conflict, potentially adapting to others preferences, rather than stating their own.
Anger is an emotionally draining experience for Nines, who often take a while to notice that they are upset. They, therefore, don't allow themselves to experience anger too often or too intensely. Nines "tune in" to the feelings and emotions of the people around them.
Dating can really be a struggle for Type 9s. First, it can be hard for them to get a partner. Type 9s tend to be wallflowers, and potential romantic prospects may be drawn to flashier, more gregarious types initially. However, once people get to know Type 9s, they're attracted to their calm, caring personalities.
Enneagram Nine With Enneagram Nine
Though they may not always feel comfortable sharing their innermost feelings, they often show their love to each other in acts of service, in consideration for the other's likes and preferences, and in their unique sense of humor.
The emotional drive of type 9 is called sloth which refers to a sense of inertia or laziness particularly with regard to yourself and your priorities or agenda.
Healthy Nines offer safe space to others. They are easy-going and accepting, so that others feel safe with them. There is almost no tendency in Nines to manipulate others or to make them feel guilty for not responding as they would like.
Message They Want To Hear:
“You deserve to be seen and heard.” Type 9s often feel that they are invisible.
Type Fives don't pair as well with Nines
It can be challenging for the two types to build a close relationship with their different focuses. Both types tend to go into their imaginary worlds to stay safe, making it difficult for them to connect.
They get drained from externally maintaining peace and internally avoiding reality. This leaves them too tired and depleted to pursue their own priorities. Their extreme conflict avoidance cuts them off from their power, leaving them slothlike. They can literally sleep walk through their entire lives.
In Stress: Nines take on qualities of Sixes, becoming overcommitted, worried, rigid, and anxious.
Type 9s deal with their sadness through disassociation. They use this defense mechanism through cutting off the pain or in this case, sadness, by distancing themselves from it.
Type Six
Sixes are one of the most anxiety-prone types of the Enneagram and tend to overreact when under stress.
Though they are anger types, Nines usually don't feel their anger very often—they (unconsciously) dissociate from it as a way to avoid conflict or separation from others—so it tends to leak out in repressed forms, such as stubbornness or passive-aggressive behavior, or escape in big bursts every once in a while.
Eights can be argumentative and intimidating; it is important to them to stand up for what they believe in and to protect those who are weaker than themselves. Deepest Fear: Eights fear being vulnerable and powerless more than anything, and cope with this fear by always being strong and in control.
Type 4, Individualist
But at their worst, everything around them becomes a reminder of their self-loathing and their sense of failure. Driving away those who wish to help, feelings of despair take over, and they may become self-destructive with this behavior manifesting as mental, emotional or physical breakdowns.
Getting comfortable with anger is a slow and scary process for 9's, but once they make friends with their anger, they can channel it to fuel real and meaningful engagement in their own lives. 9's need to know what they want, and stand up for it in order to know the true meaning of harmony.
The Type 2 has a basic fear of being unwanted or unloved by those around them. A Type 2 may believe, consciously or subconsciously, that love is only gained and earned by serving others.