It is believed that BPD individuals have a predisposition to emotional dysregulation, impulsive behaviors, and reacting aggressively to perceived upsetting situations without any foresight of potential negative implications. They also struggle with an inability to control their overactive urges.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
People who have BPD often have tremendous issues with anger — both expressing it and being the recipient of it. They will often go to extreme lengths to make people happy in order to avoid having people get angry at them. The flip side of that is that they themselves can go into a drop dead rage at the drop of a hat.
Negative thought spirals
Once someone with BPD becomes angry, letting go of their rage can be challenging. After exposure to BPD rage triggers, they tend to fixate on the situation or event that upset them, replaying these thoughts repeatedly. Ruminating on negative emotions can increase aggression.
Listen actively and be sympathetic. Seek to distract when emotions rise. Do not allow yourself to be the product of the intense anger; attempt to diffuse it but sometimes you may have to walk away. Understand the symptoms and triggers.
Extreme borderline rage and rage blackouts may last longer than might be expected, from a few hours to even a few days.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
People with petulant BPD often exhibit explosive, intense anger and periods of intense shame and worthlessness. They tend to feel let down and disappointed by others in their life, and they have a near-constant feeling of being harshly mistreated.
Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways. This emotional volatility can cause turmoil in their relationships and stress for family members, partners, and friends.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
Personality disorders are chronic (long-term) dysfunctional behavior patterns that are inflexible, prevalent and lead to social issues and distress. Many people who live with borderline personality disorder don't know they have it and may not realize there's a healthier way to behave and relate to others.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
Intense, inappropriate anger can be one of the most challenging symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). This anger in BPD is often referred to as “borderline rage.” It can lead to explosive episodes of anger that are difficult to manage and can have a significant effect on a person's relationships.
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
Someone with BPD might also push someone away in order to “test” whether the person will stay with them or come back to them after being pushed away.
This can be a challenging process that often involves therapy and developing healthy coping mechanisms to manage feelings of abandonment and separation anxiety. It is important to note that getting over a favorite person is not always a permanent solution, as someone with BPD may develop new attachments over time.
The individual with BPD tends to blame themselves for the breakup and may experience an increase in depression, anxiety, anger and self-harming behaviors.
An inherent aspect of those with BPD is the drive to self-destruct, which acts as a chain to block them from success. They may act on the false belief that self-destruction will give them what they want.
“Borderline guilt” is the feeling of shame following a BPD episode. Sometimes people feel guilt because the way they acted hurt their loved ones. Other times people feel guilt because they acted in a way that doesn't accord with their personal values.