It's hard for many people who are dismissive avoidants to acknowledge that they might have problems. They're used to feeling unworthy of love, so when people point out their faults, they believe everyone else does too. So they feel ashamed. That means they tend to isolate themselves.
A person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment pattern may be aloof toward the needs of another person, in particular a romantic partner. They tend to be pseudo-independent, caring for themselves but finding it challenging to attune to their partner and feel empathetic toward the other person's wants and needs.
As such, individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to deny feelings and take their sovereignty to an extreme. They don't rely on others and don't want others to rely on them, they keep their innermost thoughts to themselves, and they find it difficult to ask for help.
Winterheld found that when avoidant people felt really connected with their partner, they held back their feelings in order to avoid burdening them. Conversely, feeling less connected was linked to self-protection.
Suppressing emotions: Dismissive avoidant people tend to conceal their feelings. In addition to hiding feelings or emotions from others, they may struggle to understand their feelings. Difficulty trusting others: A general distrust of others is common in people living with this attachment style.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
However, regardless of whether they are the instigator of a breakup or not, avoidant attachers tend to repress or avoid expression of their intense emotions in the aftermath. This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do.
They go out of their way to spend time with you.
So they often try to keep people at a distance for as long as they can out of reluctance to take things to a deeper level. This being said, if your avoidant partner prioritizes you and goes out of their way to spend time with you, they're likely in love.
Avoidantly attached people are prone to “shutting down, numbing, rigid compartmentalizing, and pushing away,” Mary Chen, LFMT, tells SELF. And these suppression techniques can feel “exactly like rejection” to their partners, making it hard to approach—and therefore understand—avoidants!
Challenges with self-confidence and feelings of low self-worth are at the core of this particular attachment style. This negative view of themselves, that they are unworthy of love, produces a fear of being rejected by another.
There are a few signs to know if an avoidant-dismissive person likes you. They will spend more time together with you though they may not reveal their emotions, or feel deeply. They may discourage you or move away when you share any negative emotions rather than inquire what they are really about.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
You Might Be Unable to Tolerate Conflict
People with a dismissive-avoidant style are not afraid of abandonment or the end of a relationship.
Most f the time however, a dismissive avoidant ex's regret is not “I wish we were still together” but more like “I wish this didn't happen.” And believe it or not, there are dismissive avoidants who feel really bad for hurting someone who cared for them and tried to love them but found it too hard.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Dismissive-avoidant after breakup: short-term
So in the aftermath of a painful breakup, they are less likely to turn to friends and family. They want to deal with things on their own. And when it comes to challenging, romantic feelings, airing their 'dirty laundry' is often the last thing they want to do.
Relationships are stressful to someone with an avoidant attachment style. They want connection like everyone else, but their deepest fear is that love and closeness come at the cost of personal freedom. They will worry that the other person is investing in the relationship more than they are and begin to feel engulfed.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
When a dismissive-avoidant feels an expectation placed upon them, they can feel incapable. We all have needs and boundaries. If either makes a dismissive-avoidant feel like they are due to their “weaknesses,” they can shut down quickly.
If an avoidant starts pulling away, let them know that you care but do not chase them. It may be very painful to do this, but pursuing them is likely to make it take longer for them to come back. They need breathing space, to feel safe with their own thoughts and unengulfed.
Remaining emotionally unavailable
A dismissive-avoidant person might not feel comfortable in emotionally vulnerable situations. They may have dreams about meeting a romantic partner, getting married, or starting a family, but connecting on a deeper level is more challenging.
Often there are no clues before they dump you. They won't have had the hard conversations. The Dismissive-Avoidant is afraid of, and can't tolerate true intimacy. They were raised to not depend on anyone, or reveal any feelings, so their first instinct when someone gets close to them is to run away.