He may have detected that you're interested in more than just hooking up, and he's trying to back away slowly. His sudden lack of interest could signal he wants to end things, or that he wants to keep you at a distance. Either way, if he's not interested in more than sex, and you are, it's probably not a good match.
When a guy acts interested, then backs off, the reason has less likely to do with you and more to do with him. His past experiences could be coming in the way of your romantic dreams. Maybe, he has been abused, cheated on, or deeply hurt by a partner before, and thus, has his guards high up.
Why do guys come on strong and then pull away? They might feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, or are afraid of commitment. They might even think that you two are no longer compatible or have started seeing someone else.
The reason why men pull away after coming on strong is because men operate differently than women. They say how they feel in that moment, which may or may not predict how they'll feel tomorrow, or the next day.
He needs some time to be sure of his feelings. Sometimes, guys withdraw from a situation and act uninvolved to be able to see it from a different perspective. By keeping a distance from you, he is trying to see the relationship differently and understand if he really wants to keep this going.
One of the most common reasons men blow hot and cold is that they're just not that into you. It's hurtful, but it happens. If he's not invested in the relationship, he may act inconsistently simply because he doesn't care enough to make the effort.
So when you triggered deep feelings within him, it may have caused him to start acting distant to you. Acting distant is a form of defense mechanism designed to protect himself. Don't panic though. If this is the case with your man, then you just need to work on building trust and making him comfortable.
Let him know that you understand that he isn't ready yet. Don't put pressure on him or try to make him fall in love with you. It's better if he comes up with his own decision. While he's taking his time, keep your cool and make sure to take care of yourself.
Not every guy is the same, but, typically, when he says he wants to take it slow, it “indicates a desire for the pace in which intimacy, connection, feelings, and commitments grow in a relationship to be one that feels comfortable," according to Thomas Edwards Jr., founder of The Professional Wingman.
“Usually, it's used to create distance,” Feuerman says. “It's a way to say, 'I'm not totally sure I am into your or not. ' Or, 'I'm not sure if we want the same thing here.” Either way, mixed signals can be used to slow down the pace of the relationship without actually talking about it. (Cue eyeroll.)
If he's affectionate, pays attention to you, and puts effort into the relationship, you might be overthinking the situation. If he frequently cancels plans with no explanation or apology, ignores you, and doesn't initiate conversations, he might be losing interest.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the relationship or you. He is just stressed – it could be work, or maybe he is having some personal issues with his family, friends or health. Sometimes, pulling away is a form of defense mechanism. His past bad experiences can make him afraid of going through heartache again.
It could just mean that he enjoys spending time with you and doesn't want it to end. He may even want to take things slow with you since he doesn't want to give too much information away on one date. That's totally cool! But give this guy a chance — maybe he really wants to be with you!
It means that he's serious about you. He wants to make sure that he gets to know you properly and doesn't muck things up. He wants to savour time with you as he values your company. He sees no need to hurry because, as far as he is concerned, you're going to be in his life for a while.
He keeps the conversation going.
In general, whether over text or in person, notice if he is trying to keep conversations going with you. That means he'll always ask a follow-up question or offer detailed responses to your questions, and he never responds with just one-word answers or "lol" by itself.
Things You Should Know
Look for signs in his body language like eye contact and leaning in towards you while talking. He'll also initiate more physical touch between you. Study his behavior, including the time between text responses and how jealous he seems when other guys are mentioned.
If you're wondering how to tell if a guy is confused and dubious about his feelings for you, he'll blow hot and cold with you. His behavior and attitude can be unpredictable. He'll be with you for a while, showing interest in you and your life, and then he'll suddenly pull away from you.
Over time, men get really good at turning off their emotions or coping with their feelings in a way that is more acceptable for males. It creates a cycle of toxic masculinity, which can be hard to break once it's a habit.
Maybe he has family or personal issues going on, or maybe there is a situation at work that is bothering him. There could be even something in the relationship that he is stressed out about. He could also want the support, but not know how to talk to you about it at all.
Sometimes the stress outside of your relationship becomes so overbearing that you decide you need to put things on hold to focus on it. This can lead a guy to suddenly becoming cold and distant. Make sure you pay attention to what's going on in a guys life outside of his relationship with you.