Why do I attract people that have trauma?

This is the premise of trauma bonding. Some theories suggest this is our subconscious mind trying to resolve old wounds. Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.

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How does trauma affect attraction?

Trauma causes the body to go into survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze—at the time it occurs. These effects may linger, triggering our physiology to disburse stress hormones such as cortisol that have the side effect of making us feel disconnected and withdrawn, decreasing our connection to anyone we love.

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What is attraction from shared trauma?

A "trauma bond" is an attachment formed between two people who unconsciously bond to each other based on shared trauma. Traumatic bonds are typically established in abusive childhoods and are learned as a product of intermittent positive and negative reinforcement.

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Can trauma connect people?

Trauma bonding is a phenomenon where individuals form deep connections with others who have experienced similar traumas. While it may seem counterintuitive, bonding via trauma can have positive impacts on individuals and their mental health.

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Can trauma make you obsessed?

In cases of OCD, while stressful life events and traumatic experiences cause the onset of obsessive symptoms directly, compulsive behaviors caused by these experiences maintain and gradually worsen the symptoms.

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CPTSD & Attraction to Unavailable People: An Excerpt from My Dating Course (Part 1)

24 related questions found

Does trauma make you clingy?

Acting clingy

An individual might hold on to a relationship even though it consistently makes them feel frightened or unloved. Moreover, relational trauma can also lead people to feel and act clingy even when they're in a loving, stable relationship.

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Is the trauma bonded to me?

Signs of trauma bonding

The main sign that a person has bonded with an abuser is that they try to justify or defend the abuse. They may also: agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person.

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How do you tell if someone is trauma bonded to you?

Common signs that someone is stuck in a trauma bond include:
  1. Dependency on the abuser.
  2. Defensiveness, or making excuses to others for an abuser.
  3. Rationalizing or justifying an abuser's behaviors.
  4. Isolation from friends and family through manipulation and gaslighting.

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What is it called when two people bond over their trauma?

A traumatic bond, or a "trauma bond," is an attachment formed between two people who unconsciously bond to each other based on shared trauma, which ultimately leads to relational betrayal and heartbreak.

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What is trauma dumping?

Trauma dumping is defined as unloading traumatic experiences on others without warning or invitation. It's often done to seek validation, attention, or sympathy. While some initial relief may come from dumping your trauma onto someone else, the habit actually does more harm than good.

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What causes instant attraction between two people?

If so, what is it? Why we feel instant attraction to some people, and not others, is affected by lots of different things: mood, hormones and neurotransmitters, how alike we are, the shortage of other partners available, looks, physical excitement, and the proximity of geographical closeness.

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Why does trauma bring people closer?

hared pain brings people together. Known to sociologists as “social glue,” trauma behaves like a binding agent in social settings, forging connections between survivors known as trauma bonds.

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What is trauma arousal?

Traumatized individuals have an extreme mistrust of the Arousal Cycle. As they are reminded of the traumatic experiences that they have gone through, feelings of fear and frustration begin to smother and overwhelm them.

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Is hypersexuality a result of trauma?

Hypersexuality is derived from particular pathways of post-traumatic symptoms. Depression is strongly related to hypersexuality, although gender has an important role in our model. Depression and guilt are serial mediators of trauma-hypersexual behavior relations.

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Can two people trauma bond each other?

Trauma bonding is a type of attachment that can form between two people who have gone through a traumatic experience together. Or, more likely, you may share a compatible attachment pattern that stems from childhood emotional trauma. This bond is characterized by feelings of dependency, neediness, and fear.

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What does unhealed childhood trauma manifest as?

You might have difficulties trusting, low self-esteem, fears of being judged, constant attempts to please, outbursts of frustration, or social anxiety symptoms that won't let up. Can childhood trauma be healed?

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Do people with trauma attract other people with trauma?

This is the premise of trauma bonding. Some theories suggest this is our subconscious mind trying to resolve old wounds. Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.

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Why are trauma bonds so powerful?

Trauma bonds are rooted in a person's innate need for attachment and security. They can cause you to develop sympathy or affection for your abuser. The abuser wields power over you, convincing you that you can't live without them. You may turn to the abuser for comfort, even though the abuser hurts you.

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What kind of person creates a trauma bond?

Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.

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What are 3 signs of a trauma bond?

These are some of the signs of being trauma-bonded:
  • You Realize You Don't Even Like This Person. ...
  • Your Relationship Is Built Around Guilt and Shame. ...
  • You're Not Sure You'd Leave if the Abuse Increased. ...
  • You Have Been Lovebombed, Devalued, and Hoovered. ...
  • Conclusion.

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Is trauma bonding manipulative?

Trauma bonding happens when an abuser uses manipulation tactics and cycles of abuse to make the victim feel dependent on them for care and validation, causing a strong attachment or bond. This often occurs in romantic narcissistic relationships, but can also occur in families, friendships, or work relationships.

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How long do trauma bonds last?

There is no set time for how long it takes to heal from a trauma bond, as each person is different. Some people may find that it takes months, or even years, to overcome the effects of being in a trauma bonded relationship. You can begin the healing process by cutting off contact and seeking therapy.

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What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?

Breaking a trauma bond starts with identifying the 7 stages of trauma bonding, which encompasses gaslighting, love bombing, emotional addiction, criticism, loss of self, trust and dependency, and resigning to control. It is important to understand how these stages develop in a toxic and abusive relationship.

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What does breaking a trauma bond feel like?

Breaking a trauma bond comes with intense withdrawal symptoms, flashbacks, cravings for the toxic person, compulsive thoughts about what happened, and an anxious state that may make you feel like you are going backward, without abate.

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Do narcissists feel the trauma bond?

Narcissists do feel the trauma bond, but not in the same way that the people that they abuse feel it. A trauma bond makes narcissists feel remarkably well because the dynamics of a trauma bonded relationship are designed to help them regulate the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they've suppressed.

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