If you don't have much to say, it could be that there isn't much on your mind, or not much has happened. But it could also be that something is standing in your way. Here are a few things that could be a barrier to the usual easy flow of therapy: You're mentally elsewhere.
We all have high and low periods, so your sessions will likely reflect that. Some discussions can feel really useful while others may be just a check-in. Silence isn't necessarily a bad thing (and may even be helpful at times), but going to therapy requires a significant commitment of time, emotional energy, and money.
The best thing to do is tell your therapist that you don't feel comfortable talking yet and you're not feeling any better. If that's hard to do, try printing this out and giving it to your therapist.
Fear: It's also possible that you're scared to share things about your life. Maybe you've experienced trauma or relationship issues and you fear what their reaction will be. Understand that therapists are not there to judge you and they're trained to listen to and understand topics that may be difficult to talk about.
Can You Overshare in Therapy? Yes, it is possible for a person to provide excessive amounts of information about their life in a therapeutic setting; however, “oversharing” is not necessarily a bad thing.
Most therapists genuinely believe they don't have the answers to the questions or challenges you face—however, they believe you do. They see their job as helping you find your own answers, and they know that silence can help you do that.
Whether therapist's demonstrate their emotions outward or not, I have no doubt they feel with you. They feel your sadness, they feel the joy at your successes and they also feel righteous anger for you. Your therapist is likely more alongside you in your journey to healing than you know.
For the most part, you can. Therapists take confidentiality seriously. Any therapist who doesn't is at risk of losing their license, because every single type of therapist is bound by professional rules that require them to maintain it.
In fact, there are a lot of benefits to coming into therapy when you feel like you have nothing to talk about. Believe it or not, those can actually be some of the richest and most productive sessions!
One is where the therapy has been long-term and growthful and the therapist feels sadness, even grief, at the ending because the therapist has developed affection, even love toward the client. In some ways, psychotherapy is one of the most intimate relationship a therapist can have.
So, rest assured that it's probably fine to ask your therapist how they're doing and other small talk questions, but Dr. Babbel says there are definitely some questions you shouldn't ask, like how old they are, or if they've ever been married.
So go ahead and ask the question, if you want to. However, it's also important—and okay—not to ask, if you'd rather not or if you're genuinely not interested or don't want to bring a personal component into the work. You have every right to protect your own boundaries, not just during this pandemic, but at all times.
But Therapists Don't Tell You What To Do
They will guide you to solutions they believe are best, but won't directly suggest things. Therapist Bethany Raab had a message for potential clients who worry about this issue. “I cannot make you do anything, nor do I want to do so,” she said.
“It totally makes sense for a person to be asking questions of someone with whom they're going to be sharing their intimate self.” The short answer to the question is: Yes. If you have a question, you should ask. Your questions are valid and likely relevant to the therapeutic process.
There's a long-standing joke that therapists are always asking their clients, “How does that make you feel?” and frankly, I do often ask my clients that question because it's necessary. In asking them how they feel, they are asked to examine their emotions and become more aware.
Eye contact is one of many active listening skills that help them listen to you more deeply and show you they're fully present. They can seem like they're staring when they're carefully observing you or processing what you just said and choosing how they respond.
Do they respond to messages or check their phone during sessions? Perhaps they reschedule or cut a session short. If this happens to you, it may leave you feeling undervalued or that your therapist is tired or bored of you.
Therapists do get frustrated with clients from time to time, but some can handle difficult clients better than others. This may be due to training or inherent personality traits.
In order to identify the source of the ambivalence, it's important to continue to provide reflections and affirmations to the silent client in balance with the acceptance of reflective silence. An additional strategy to build upon the reflection and affirmations you are providing is to ask open-ended questions.
Back to Fictional Reader's question about why it may be difficult to look a therapist in the eyes. Some possible root causes range from guilt, shame, anxiety, low self-esteem, shyness, past abuse, depression or autistic spectrum disorders to varying cultural norms and cognitive overload.
Hands. Your client's hands can give you clues about how they're reacting to what comes up in the session. Trembling fingers can indicate anxiety or fear. Fists that clench or clutch the edges of clothing or furniture can suggest anger.
Fortunately, it isn't possible to reveal too much. In fact, any insights that you divulge may help your therapist treat you more effectively. “I cannot ever imagine a time doing therapy when too much information would ever be a bad thing,” says Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, Psy. D., a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania.
It's normal to wonder about your therapist — you're sharing personal information and experiences with them, so it makes sense to want to know more about their life and experiences. It's okay to ask your therapist about their life.