Research shows that the most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It's harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally.
When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
A few common issues that make it hard to find friends include shyness, social anxiety, complaining a lot, and expecting too much from new acquaintances. If you're not sure why you struggle to make friends, ask someone you trust for their perspective. Make sure you're prepared to hear the answer, though.
"The 20s are a transient decade. People are moving all over the country and world, changing jobs, forming more serious romantic relationships, and making major life changes far more often than they did in school and college," says Roberts-Meese. "That transience means people fall out of touch more often."
Finding #1: 70% of people don't find it “easy” to make friends. As you can see, there 24% people find it very hard to make friends, 14% find it very hard, and 36% find it “so-so.” But why do I put 70% don't find it easy in my claim?
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
Research tells us that, for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. “Suddenly, your friends disappear, or you all start taking new life directions as you graduate from college,” Jackson says.
Yes, it is common to experience feelings of loneliness in your 20s. This can be due to various factors such as changes in life circumstances, differences in personal values and interests with friends or family, or difficulty in making new connections.
At any age there are going to be people in your area who are open to forming new friendships. Not everyone has had the same social circle for years and years and isn't interested in meeting anyone else. If you go on sites like Meetup.com you'll see people have created groups catering to all ages.
If you feel like you don't have friends or struggle with a sense of loneliness, you're not alone. As an adult, it might seem difficult or impossible to make new connections, but if you're willing to put in the effort, you can certainly build new relationships.
Shyness, introversion, and social anxiety may make people put the brakes on connecting with others. If a person has poor self-esteem or mental health issues, they may also struggle to connect. If this sounds like you, you may need some extra support to start feeling your best.
People with ADHD can still be good friends that others can rely on, even though they might not have the best social skills.
The reason you have no friends may be because you are shy, uncomfortable interacting with others, or simply don't go places that would lead to meeting new people. You don't have friends may have a lot to do with your mindset.
Many people go through phases in their life where they don't have close friends. It may be due to lack of social skills, being too busy with work or family life, or many other reasons. If it bothers you, you can learn to make new friends at any age.
Having around 3-5 really close friends should be enough for most of us in our 30's. If you are in a stable relationship, having two other couples you meet once a week or every other week can be enough.
It's also normal to wonder why or how it happened. But know that losing friends in your twenties is normal. It happens to everyone (or at least almost everyone) and there are some natural, common reasons as to why it happens.
No one is immune to loneliness, but some groups are more prone to it than others. According to a 2018 Ipsos survey of 20,096 adults—the most comprehensive U.S.-based study on the topic of loneliness—young adults between the ages of 18-25 are the loneliest segment, by age, of the U.S. population.
Most notably, researchers found that loneliness rates peak among people in their 20s, and reach their lowest point among those in their 60s. Many people also experience a spike in lonely feelings around their mid-40s. These findings are as confounding as they are surprising, at least initially.
Although the 20s are typically considered the years of exploration and having fun, depression in young adults is not uncommon.
It takes about 40-60 hours of time spent together in the first few weeks after meeting for people to form a casual friendship. To transition from a casual friend to friend takes about 80-100 hours of together time. For friends to become good or best friends, it takes about 200 or more hours spent together.
A new study suggests that both men and women continue to make lots of friends until the age of 25, but after this, it's claimed that friendships begin to fall away rapidly, with the decline continuing for the rest of our lives.
In 2018, a study by Professor Jeffrey Hall suggested that it takes the average adult roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend. For more advanced levels of friendship, it can take more than 200 hours before you can consider someone “close”.