To a narcissist, love is an external source of validation used to boost their self-esteem. They do not understand that real love involves reciprocity. Instead, they believe that love is something they can obtain from a person or object and use to feel better about themselves.
To sum everything up that has been said here, one of the reasons that narcissists pretend to love you is because doing so successfully allows them let go of the negative emotions that they have about themselves and hold onto the charming, special, successful, honest, desirable, goodhearted, charismatic, and virtuous ...
Does this mean that every time a narcissist declares their love for you that they don't mean it? No. Some narcissists will be genuinely moved at times to reveal how they are feeling. But if you're involved with a narcissist, there will be other times when there is a hidden meaning behind the phrase.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.
Narcissists use sex and the pretence of emotion to control others. They like to be in control, and often derive pleasure from giving or withdrawing sex or affection to this end. 10. Narcissists are not really capable of feeling guilty, and feel no shame about lying if they think that it will get them what they want.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
There are four distinct phases that these types of relationships typically go through: idealization, devaluation, discard, and hoover. And at times, it may feel like you are on a not-so-merry-go-round going round-and-round through these phases many times over.
Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don't form memories in the same way the rest of us do. For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. Neo said some people simply do mesh really well, because they have similar interests, and also complement each other's differences. “But anybody who tries to do it too quickly early on is basically accelerating intimacy, and that is bad news,” she said.
A narcissist will idealize their new partner and put them on a pedestal. This is more than just thinking they have found the “right” one (although that is part of it). Rather, they feel they have found perfection, and so, they pour their affections on their new partner.
He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology. Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years.
A narcissist may lose interest in you if they feel defeated in some way. This could be due to a perceived slight, a challenge to their authority, or a failure to receive the admiration they believe they deserve.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Rejection
Rejection causes major narcissistic injury and is one of the top 10 things narcissists fear the most. They can't handle it, even if it's a tiny slight. Remember, they have a sense of entitlement and pride themselves on being the ones who reject and discard their victims.
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, which impacts all their relationships, including those with their mothers. They are often dismissive, neglectful, or manipulative, using their mother to fulfill their own needs without considering her feelings.
Some narcissists may have healthy, loving relationships with their mothers, but many will struggle due to their narcissistic character traits. The narcissist's need for admiration and validation means they will often put unrealistic demands on their mothers, while their need for control makes them manipulative.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.