Narcissists require constant attention, admiration, and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply, to maintain their inflated self-image. It is almost impossible to provide a narcissist with the level of supply they require, so when they inevitably feel you are not giving them enough, they may discard you.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
The narcissistic abandonment cycle is as follows: Feels shame. It begins with the narcissist feeling shame. It could be shame about childhood abuse, the socioeconomic state of their family, an embarrassing moment, or being exposed as a failure, incompetent, unintelligent, or a fraud.
Although most narcissists seem to attempt reconciliation a few times before suddenly disappearing, most eventually stop and proceed with an abrupt separation or divorce. There are several significant reasons as to why they do this.
One day they might belittle and derogate you, but at other times they may seek to include you in their grandiose view of themselves and your relationship. They can be demanding of your attention, putting your needs on the back burner while they insist on having theirs met ASAP.
Moving on after a breakup may be a coping mechanism for people with narcissistic personalities, she adds. “Often, they are seeking validation from emptiness created in their childhoods or developed from trauma,” Chawla says.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years.
Though typical narcissists do not discard people because they crave attention, covert narcissists may go to extreme measures to permanently discard you.
They will then move onto someone else who can serve their needs. However, the narcissist will hoover and try to pull you back in after the discard if they feel like they can control and manipulate you in the future to boost their ego.
It is no wonder, then, that narcissistic abusers are known to stalk their former victims months, sometimes even years, after the ending of the relationship, especially if their victims discarded them first.
The narcissist's final discard is hurtful and often downright brutal. This person will leave you possibly at the worst moment possible, and, typically, they'll blame it all on you.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
As a general rule, narcissists will come back after discarding you. But sadly, this isn't because they love, care about, or miss you.
They Will Experience a Narcissistic Injury and Go Into a Narcissistic Rage. If a narcissist were to realize that they no longer have control over you, it could cause them to experience a narcissistic injury and fly into a narcissistic rage.
A narcissist uses ignoring people as a way to punish them. Especially if they feel like you are pulling away. Or, you've inflicted a narcissistic injury on them. A narcissist has a fundamentally unstable sense of self.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. Neo said some people simply do mesh really well, because they have similar interests, and also complement each other's differences. “But anybody who tries to do it too quickly early on is basically accelerating intimacy, and that is bad news,” she said.
Some of the most popular ways narcissists use withholding include stonewalling (the shutting down of conversations before they've even begun), the silent treatment, a sudden withdrawal of affection and physical intimacy without reason, and unexplained disappearances where they refuse to contact you or engage with you ...
Drinking alcohol lowers inhibitions and can increase other narcissist behaviors including self-absorption, denial, illusions of grandeur, and destructiveness. These behaviors can lead to poor choices, including drinking and driving or excessive consumption, which can be fatal.