Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners. Why do they do this? Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them.
As for why narcissists sabotage their targets, even though it's in their best interest for their targets to succeed, so they can get even more attention: Every time a narcissist sees someone else getting praise and accolades and being loved, they're filled with intense envy and self-hatred.
Keeping you in a state of fear keeps you under the thrall of the narcissist. Stalking and harassment are common in the wake of a narcissistic relationship. Some use this not to get you back, but to “win”. They want you destroyed for having the audacity to disappoint the plans they had for you and their life with you.
Some may learn to be self-aware in time, and learn to notice when they are hurting you. But this still doesn't guarantee they will care. "Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said.
Being in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be challenging. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of ego and entitlement, put themselves first, lack empathy, and can become abusive to others.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
A narcissist will manipulate and control others to feel good, which is why they can be abusive in relationships. They can use aggression and be rude, offensive, and belittling towards their partners to wear down their self-worth.
Whilst almost all narcissistic people's self-absorption has the potential to cause problems in relationships, not all will become abusive. However, when narcissism is coupled with certain risk factors, the combination can be extremely problematic.
One day they might belittle and derogate you, but at other times they may seek to include you in their grandiose view of themselves and your relationship. They can be demanding of your attention, putting your needs on the back burner while they insist on having theirs met ASAP.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Due to a narcissist's lack of self-awareness and inability to extend authentic empathy, he or she feels threatened by someone who possesses something he or she does not understand. Unfortunately, when a narcissist feels small, he or she acts big.
At the center of a narcissist's destructive behavior towards others is an excessive sense of entitlement. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths believe that the world owes them something.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation and when they break up with you, they do it to make themselves feel better. They will hurt you and make you believe that “their way” is the right way. But in reality, narcissists don't care about how you feel; they only want to make themselves feel good.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
To narcissists, ordinary people (i.e., nearly everybody around them) aren't worthy of attention, so being ordinary would leave them unworthy of the spotlight and left to suffocate. Narcissists also need to feel special and superior to others.
If you are a people pleaser, who likes others to need them, likes to be indispensable to others, you may find that you are attracted to narcissists and that they are attracted to you. Someone with narcissistic tendencies will be able to identify others who will allow them to be dominant in the relationship.
There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim. Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months.
It is never a good feeling when a narcissist walks out of a relationship. They can break up so abruptly that you may be left behind wondering why things had moved to the point of no return. Rather than drowning yourself in self-pity, you need to take proper action.
The narcissist will never be happy.
“They simply don't feel good about themselves.” Despite incalculable self-importance, the narcissist doesn't have high self-esteem. They coat themselves in praise and approval from others to hide their biggest fear.