People avoid grievers because they are misinformed and afraid. Grievers avoid others because they are afraid and then isolate. Is anybody talking to anyone else, and if so, are they talking about anything important to the griever? Isolation and grief are not helpful for the griever.
They may feel they lack the coping skills necessary to deal with grief, especially with others present. They may just feel they are unable to handle it. They may feel grief is unpredictable and may be overwhelming.
Pushing loved ones away when grieving usually results from dealing with the significance of a tremendous loss. Withdrawing from others is sometimes easier to do for a bereaved person than facing their pain and suffering head-on. Trying to understand and deal with the death of a loved one can feel isolating.
Avoidance is generally considered an adaptive response to loss, and an integral component of the initial, acute grief response. This avoidance may be of both situations and/or stimuli that are reminders of the loss and avoidance of emotions about the loss.
Emotionally: Sadness, anger, disbelief, despair, guilt and loneliness. Mentally: Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, confusion and poor memory. Behaviourally: Changes to sleeping patterns, dreams or nightmares, or to your appetite. You might or might not want to go out or be around people.
HOW GRIEF CHANGES US FOR NOW: Changes in sleep, eating, and overall energy. Personality changes like being more irritable, less patient, or no longer having the tolerance for other people's “small” problems. Forgetfulness, trouble concentrating and focusing.
Experiencing anger is natural during the grieving process. It doesn't mean you aren't sad. As a naturally strong emotion, anger can overshadow other emotions, though. If you're experiencing grief and anger that don't improve over time or worsen, speaking with a mental health professional may help.
Avoidance is a typical trauma response. It is a coping mechanism that you may use to reduce the adverse effects of trauma, such as distressing thoughts and feelings. It is entirely natural to want to not think about a traumatic event or your emotions related to it.
Researchers suggest that there are early childhood experiences that contribute to avoidant behaviors and personality disorders. These are not necessarily causes but may increase the risk of developing AVPD. A major factor in early childhood that may shape personality and lead to AVPD is parental interaction.
Avoidance is a core symptom of PTSD, with at least one avoidance symptom required for a diagnosis. People often try to cope with the trauma by avoiding distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings associated with the event.
You may push people away because you don't feel like you're worth others' time and energy. This problem relates to low self esteem and self compassion. Low self esteem can stem from other mental health struggles, like depression or anxiety. It can also trace back to your childhood, when your inner voice was shaped.
Inhibited grief is caused by ignoring your pain and grieving. It happens because you are not willing to face the death of your loved one. Facing reality is too painful. Eventually, if not faced, your grief will cause physical ailments.
In grief, we need the stillness of alone time to feel our feelings and think our thoughts. To slow down and turn inward, we must sometimes actively cultivate solitude. Being alone is not the curse we may have been making it out to be. It is actually a blessing.
Avoiding your grief can lead to complications in your grief recovery. The healing process takes time. When you prolong dealing with your emotions, it can lead to isolation, anxiety, and depression. Here are some things to look out for when dealing with grief and loss.
After a traumatic experience, the emotional toll may be so heavy that people may avoid anything that might remind them of what happened. Some people's efforts to block residual feelings of trauma may look like adapting avoidance behavior to avoid feelings of pain, also called trauma blocking.
Avoiding reminders—like places, people, sounds or smells—of a trauma is called behavioral avoidance. For example: A combat Veteran may stop watching the news or using social media because of stories or posts about war or current military events.
Avoidance can be a central symptom of PTSD. Avoidance often occurs as a result of someone trying to limit contact with triggers for anxiety, fear, or memories and thoughts about a traumatic event. This is understandable as these emotions and thoughts can be incredibly distressing.
Many people do in fact feel angry when someone we love dies. Angry at being abandoned, angry at the extent of the pain, angry that our life is changed, angry that managing grief feels difficult, and angry that the world suddenly feels different—empty, unsafe, or lonely. Swallowed feelings don't disappear.
Grief may involve extreme emotions and behaviors.
Feelings of guilt, anger, despair, and fear are common. A grieving person may yell to the heavens, obsess about the death, lash out at loved ones, or cry for hours on end. Your loved one needs reassurance that what they feel is normal.
A common cause of anger when it comes to grief is the individual's reluctance to accept that they have to continue life without their loved one. You can also get to the root of your anger by exploring other difficult emotions; these include sadness and fear.
Feel more withdrawn than usual. Most people will have a period, where they will tend to avoid social occasions, being out, or meeting others. This can also be accompanied by feelings of anxiety. Have memory problems, find it difficult to concentrate, or become more clumsy than usual.
Physical signs
Facial muscles may relax and the jaw can drop. Skin can become very pale. Breathing can alternate between loud rasping breaths and quiet breathing. Towards the end, dying people will often only breathe periodically, with an intake of breath followed by no breath for several seconds.