Part of what makes an affair's relationship work is the secrecy and excitement of keeping it a secret. Once the betrayed spouse finds out, the affair loses a lot of its appeal. The new partner doesn't seem as enticing when it isn't a secret anymore. So, affairs usually fizzle out after the affair find the light of day.
Ultimately, with commitment, transparency, accountability, and communication, you can make a relationship work, even when it starts with cheating. Going into it knowing that there will be challenges and that it will take time can be helpful.
According to WebMD, the “in love” stage of an affair lasts 6 to 18 months, on average. And around 75% of marriages that start as affairs end in divorce. Considering only 5 to 7% of affair relationships lead to marriage, that's a grim statistic for couples hoping their affairs will last forever.
Oxytocin eventually drops.
This is built into evolution, the need for both parties to stop staring into each other's eyes and get back to work. When this happens, sex drops off, the passion and glow begin to fade. This is especially derailing for affairs initially built on physical chemistry.
Those who cheat for relationship reasons do so because they don't feel satisfied. "Researchers find that partnerships characterized by dissatisfaction, unfulfilling sex, and high conflict are at higher risk for infidelity," she says.
In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
Takeaway. There are many potential reasons why a person may cheat. There are eight key reasons and motivations for affairs, including low self-esteem, anger, low commitment, lack of love, neglect, sexual desire, need for variety, and circumstances.
Relationships from affairs, based on studies and observations, aren't very likely to last a long time. In fact, if a relationship between two people who met through an affair started, it was highly likely that the relationship didn't work out for long.
Relationships that begin with an affair don't usually last. This is often due to the foundation of the relationship being one of poor faith. Those in the relationship who started from an affair may eventually feel less satisfied, less invested, and less committed to the happiness of the other person.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
In fact, the study, which looked at data from the General Social Survey in the U.S., found that 20 per cent of married people over the age of 55 have engaged in extramarital sex, while only 14 per cent of couples under 55 are said to have cheated. Those in their 50s and 60s, however, were the most likely to cheat.
50 percent of all first-time affairs happen in the nine months of pregnancy or the first year after delivery. “If you think about your wife and what she goes through with pregnancy, it's very easy to understand.
Yes, it is possible for someone to fall in love with an affair partner, although it can be a complicated and emotionally fraught experience. These relationships have trust issues due to how they began. In order to make the relationships work, the couple needs to work diligently at trust.
Affairs usually end in one of three ways: divorce and remarriage, divorce and relationship loss, or the recommitment to the relationship that was betrayed. Each of these resolutions to an affair has its own pros and cons.
An extramarital affair may not have any legal recognition and attract social disapproval, but when two people choose to be in such a relationship, not for a few weeks or months but many years, it is because they feel a deep love for each other. Sometimes, this bond can be stronger than a marriage.
Like so many drivers who get into accidents on the roads, though, they ignored or were unaware of warning signs along the way. If they would have heeded those indications, disaster could have been avoided. In that sense, yes, an affair can be called “accidental.”
The Progression of Infidelity
Much like the stages of grief, the stages of infidelity are not always linear. For one person, it may be micro-cheating that turns into emotional infidelity, followed by physical infidelity. For another, digital infidelity may turn into physical infidelity.
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week — your friends and co-workers.
Affairs can take on any number of variations, from serial cheating to the one-night stand, to a long-term relationship outside of marriage that can last from six months to two years, or even longer. No matter the duration, all of these instances have an underlying cause of dissatisfaction and personal crisis.
The statistics show most affairs will run its course and will (usually) fizzle out within 6-24 months, no matter how unique the affair partners think their relationship is. So, after much research, counseling, and reading everything I could about affairs, I came to learn there are primarily 4 stages to most affairs.
If you're considering staying after infidelity, it's probably because you still love your partner and you want to be with them. And this is perfectly okay! There's nothing wrong with you. You may share life events, children, memories, special moments, etc.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Relationship counselors have seen many couples persevere through cheating and the cheater never cheat again. On the other hand, the opposite happens just as often. According to some studies, someone who has cheated before is 3x more likely to cheat again in their next relationship.