The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That's why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
Why Rejections Hurt So Much. Researcher Naomi Eisenberg at UCLA discovered that social pain (such as being rejected and let down by others) and physical pain are felt in the same parts of the brain. In other words, the brain can't tell the difference between the pain of a breakup and the pain of a broken arm.
Relationship expert Rachael Lloyd from eharmony says romantic rejection is one of the most painful types of rejection. "It literally cuts to the very heart of who we are and how attractive we deem ourselves to be," says Lloyd. "And no one is exempt.
Rejection can take a major toll on your self-esteem and often leads to deep emotional wounds and wounds in your spirit that open up doors that cause you to experience other negative emotions, including depression, fear, doubt, isolation, self-pity, suicidal thoughts, people pleasing, double-mindedness, eating disorders ...
Rejection can cause us to feel a slew of emotions, ranging from confusion to sadness to rage. Oftentimes, people don't understand exactly why they've been rejected, which can lead to a downward spiral of negative introspection and an overall sense of not feeling “good enough.”
Key points. Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.
A guy feels an ego boost after rejecting a girl. That's the first response. Or he could feel sad if there's another reason he's not telling you. If he is keeping in touch it's only because you two are still friends.
Rejection trauma leaves us feeling like we do not belong anywhere, and we tend to behave in ways that cause us to be rejected by those we know in the present. Living with rejection trauma may seem to be impossible to overcome, yet there are at least six methods that can help you to do just that.
It may take time to heal from a bad break-up or being fired, but most people eventually get over the pain and hurt feelings of rejection.
Most people start to feel better 11 weeks following rejection and report a sense of personal growth; similarly after divorce, partners start to feel better after months, not years. However, up to 15 percent of people suffer longer than three months (“It's Over,” Psychology Today, May-June, 2015).
According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
People who struggle with rejection sensitivity often interpret rejection as proof that they are unacceptable in some way. To them, rejection is a judgment of their worth and value as a person. And, in relationships, this belief system can be disastrous.
Finally, rejection can cause great emotional discomfort, such as anger, grief, and humiliation, which can be overpowering and difficult to deal with. In conclusion, rejection is a painful human experience that can be even more intense than a breakup with a romantic partner.
Rejection can be heart-wrenching and leave you feeling so dejected that you decide to never trust or love someone again. Those emotional walls you put up to protect yourself from future harm are also the walls that will isolate. Don't allow the painful events of your past to destroy your happiness in the future.
“Men have been taught since the earliest of times to protect their masculinity," says psychotherapist Jaime Gleicher, LMSW. "When they're rejected, they associate it with their masculinity. When that's threatened by an outside source, they tend to fight for it—also as a way to re-prove their manliness.”
One could be because of his esteem issues, which we've already spoken about. He could be thinking that it's likely you like someone else because they're better looking or you seem to laugh more around them. But another reason might be because you've shared thoughts about other guys in the past to him.
He may just regret letting you go. Of course, it's possible his life is just not very good, but when somebody regrets a past rejection he will often manifest it by simply being quite depressed. What is this? It's sad to see, but you need to decide whether this guy who hurt you is really worth a second chance or not.
Wait for the right time to interact.
Don't try to push your way back into his life right after he rejected you; try to wait until you are both more comfortable. This process may take weeks, or maybe even months, to gather your courage to talk to him again.
Here's some good news for the brokenhearted out there. A study at the University of Michigan found that men desire a woman more if she was the one who was dumped in her previous relationship, and not the other way around.
Several specific emotions arise from the prospect or presence of rejection, including hurt feelings, loneliness, jealousy, guilt, shame, social anxiety, embarrassment, sadness, and anger.
As guys, being rejected is a failure of their masculinity and when this happens, men tend to become aggressive and broil the oppressor. When a woman rejects a man, he feels unimportant and unappreciated.