The narcissist's initial charm is the reason why a narcissist married in the first place, and it's also likely to be the answer to how narcissists stay married. It might seem strange that somebody who displays such ugly characteristics can have the level of charm that a narcissist can display.
They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce. A research study showed that narcissists and psychopaths tend to stay friends with their ex for selfish reasons. They try to stay in your life or seduce and convince you to return.
Fear of being alone – Narcissists are skilled at destroying their partner's social circles and relationships with family members. The prospect of leaving may equate to a feeling of being truly alone; Fear of reprisals – The narcissist may have created a culture of fear and anxiety in their partner's life.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
Long-term relationships are boring to narcissists. They are drawn by the chase and may idealize the partners they can't have. They may appear to be charming, generous, and caring at first. But when they have you, they begin to get bored and to look for your faults.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures. Anyone who will reflect well on them in the eyes of other people.
Hence, the narcissist begins to put their partner down or holds back on being intimate or showing their affection. When their partner pushes back, the narcissist might turn things around—perceive themselves as the victim and blame their partner, which allows them to further devalue them.
Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way. Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse.
The narcissistic relationship offers the answer to these basic needs. There is no greater feeling of desire than the one a narcissist can express. Once we get trapped in their web, it is very difficult to escape because of the intrinsic, felt needs, the narcissist was able to tap in to and appeal to.
Keep seeing your friends/family and doing your hobbies. Narcissists have a habit of stopping you doing the things you love as it's part of their control. The best way to avoid this is to keep doing the things you love or meet someone who also enjoys the things you love.
When you don't depend on anyone to make money and you use your abundance to take care of yourself and not predators, you will always have the ability to control your own future. This is power, and pathologically envious narcissists are often turned off by it because it means they cannot easily control a victim.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
A narcissist can be extremely good at giving the appearance of intimacy… and he will turn it on and off at his pleasure. He may run hot and cold- going in and out of being highly somatic and needing a sex partner. When he's needy, he offers intimations of intimacy that are very appealing and hard to resist.
Narcissists can never really love anyone.
That's why it's important to remember that no matter how happy and loved-up they look with their new partner, it's only a matter of time before they start being belittled and insulted too. Narcissists can never really love anyone.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
Empaths are drawn to narcissists, and narcissists love taking advantage: "Since narcissists rely on exclusive focus and attention, an empathic person would naturally appeal to them," explains Dorfman.
Ramani adds that narcissists not only get bored easily with new things, but also new people. Her theory is that narcissistic reward-sensitivity may explain why narcissists can engage in impulsive, sometimes dangerous behavior—drugs, alcohol, gambling, unsafe sexual practices, overspending, or overeating.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values.
The narcissist's initial charm is the reason why a narcissist married in the first place, and it's also likely to be the answer to how narcissists stay married. It might seem strange that somebody who displays such ugly characteristics can have the level of charm that a narcissist can display.