Self-esteem is often an issue for adults who endured childhood trauma. Their intense and pervasive feelings of shame can lead to isolation, driven by the belief that any attempts to be social will be futile. Viewing themselves as unlovable, unlikable and unworthy of affection, they expect rejection.
By isolating themselves, PTSD sufferers can avoid negative responses or continued efforts to explain feelings. Self-isolation may not be a conscious choice. As individuals struggle to deal with their feelings, being alone seems like the easiest option.
It's common for people with PTSD to isolate themselves. You may feel overwhelmed or unsafe in groups, quick to anger, misunderstood, or just uninterested in being around people. However, isolation can lead to loneliness, depression, and anxiety.
Reasons People Self-Isolate
“being embarrassed” “not feeling understood, or feeling different or disconnected from others” “feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and helplessness” “prominent fear and anxiety (phobia) or stress”
Isolation is a result of anxiety and depression in that some individuals use it as a self-induced coping mechanism to deal with excessive worry and avoid human interaction. For others, isolation is a key driver of anxiety and depression, craving the support and stimulation that socialisation provides.
For example, a person's isolation may be a sign of depression or an anxiety disorder. In addition to identifying underlying issues, a therapist can develop a treatment plan that helps people regain a sense of control over their social lives.
These include elevated levels of anxiety and depression, deterioration of mental health, changes in diet and increased suicidal ideation, in addition to less physical activity and higher levels of experienced loneliness.
Isolation—in which the abuser slowly severs all emotional ties except the one to him/her—is one of the earliest signs of emotional and/or physical abuse. And unfortunately, it is extremely effective, subtle, and difficult to detect. Yet while isolation may be difficult to detect, it's not impossible to recognize.
If you're highly self-conscious or socially anxious, worrying about being perceived as a “toxic person” might lead you to under-share your needs and to a lack of connection with others. On the other hand, oversharing may be a trauma response or a sign that you are ready for or need support.
Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.
According to Orloff, most people on the receiving end of trauma dumping will feel anxious, stressed, helpless and even depressed after the conversation. "People may feel better after trauma dumping, but the person they dump it onto feels horrible," she says.
Studies suggest that trauma could make you more vulnerable to developing physical health problems, including long-term or chronic illnesses. This might be because trauma can affect your body as well as your mind, which can have a long-term impact on your physical health.
Have a sense of feeling alone, despite having platonic and intimate relationships? Feel no one understands you? Avoid close relationships due to a fear of getting hurt?
Studies show that loneliness and social isolation are associated with higher risks for health problems such as heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline. If you are in poor health, you may be more likely to be socially isolated or lonely.
Hawkley points to evidence linking perceived social isolation with adverse health consequences including depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, poor cardiovascular function and impaired immunity at every stage of life.
Social isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, fear of others, or negative self-esteem. Lack of consistent human contact can also cause conflict with the (peripheral) friends. The socially isolated person may occasionally talk to or cause problems with family members.
Avoiding social contact is a common pattern you might notice when falling into depression. Some people skip activities they normally enjoy and isolate themselves from the world. Others turn to alcohol or junk food to mask their pain and unhappiness.
A 2019 study found that those with BPD were at higher risk of self-isolation than those with other personality disorders. Emptiness is also a common symptom of BPD — and a common cause of loneliness.
Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion, physical arousal, and blunted affect. Most responses are normal in that they affect most survivors and are socially acceptable, psychologically effective, and self-limited.
The bottom line
Venting is a healthy way to share negative emotions and reduce stress. But with trauma dumping, you overshare in a way that makes the listener feel overwhelmed or ignored.
Fawning is a trauma response where a person develops people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict and to establish a sense of safety. In other words, the fawn trauma response is a type of coping mechanism that survivors of complex trauma adopt to "appease" their abusers.