Many people might think that being nice is a lovely way to be, that it would make you very well-liked and easy to get along with, and that is probably true. However, being too nice can also mean that you become a door mat or a people-pleaser. It can mean that you put other's needs ahead of your own.
"But when someone is too nice, it conveys a lack of boundaries. It may be a signal that they are not taking care of themselves and their own needs first." Being overly nice is typical among people pleasers, who want nothing more than to win you over.
Speaking to Refinery 29, Kelley Johnson, PhD, a clinical sexologist, explained why we are often turned off when someone comes on too strong. “That much attention can be perceived as desperation or a lack of independence [on the part of the person showing interest],” Dr Johnson explained.
You may feel invaded or emotionally controlled.
If someone is showing too much interest in you, you may start to feel as though you are no longer in total control of your decisions or emotions.
However, when it happens too often, and you're doing it primarily out of fear, it inevitably becomes problematic in your relationship. The obvious problems with being 'too nice' are the resentment and loss of identity that occur.
However, being too nice can also mean that you become a door mat or a people-pleaser. It can mean that you put other's needs ahead of your own. That can mean others get away with things that they shouldn't. An excessively nice person might never be really known on a deep level or taken seriously.
People with Williams syndrome are described as having exceptionally friendly personalities, extremely sensitive and empathic, and therefore are also called “love children.” Williams syndrome is a genetic disorder caused by the deletion of one of the two copies of about 26 genes found on chromosome 7 in humans [1].
She says that we have this reaction due to a fear of rejection or abandonment because an avoidant attachment style wants us to pull away before we can get hurt. That said, if you find yourself experiencing the ick repeatedly in relationships, there's a solid possibility that you may have an avoidant attachment style.
Lying and cheating. One of the biggest turn-off meanings in a relationship is having a liar for a partner.
Be careful of Love bombing when someone showers you with attention, affection, and gifts. It is a red flag if they are coming on too strong too fast!
A shocking recent study revealed clinginess as one of the biggest relationship turn-offs. Feeling clingy or needy for attention can stem from a lack of self-esteem or a fear of rejection.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
But one of the biggest red flag personality traits, according to a Harvard Business School study, is the constant need to spread negativity. In other words, they are a pain to be around and their actions can make everyone's workday utterly miserable.
1. Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.
One of the most common reasons why people lose interest in a person they're dating is because that person lacks confidence. Sometimes, people lose interest in dating someone because the timing isn't right for them.
He Doesn't Consider You His Kind Of Girl
Many times women get offended when a guy just doesn't like her. It doesn't matter what it is; you may just not be the right girl for him. Don't let this get to you and certainly do not change for any guy. Move on until the right one comes by.
Things You Should Know
Look for signs in his body language like eye contact and leaning in towards you while talking. He'll also initiate more physical touch between you. Study his behavior, including the time between text responses and how jealous he seems when other guys are mentioned.
Being treated with love and tenderness arouses a kind of poignant sadness that many people struggle to block out. Ironically, close moments with a partner can activate memories of painful childhood experiences, fears of abandonment and feelings of loneliness from the past.
, when your gut instinct is telling you you're just not feeling it," explains Hayley. "It can happen when you know someone likes you, you recognise that they have good qualities, and you really want a relationship... but you feel like you're trying to force yourself to feel something you don't."
At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves.
Another reason to be wary of overly nice people is that they're easy to manipulate. The issue is that the person you're dealing with is often a puppet for others. You can't be sure if it's them talking or somebody else twisting and using them for their own designs.