The first and most obvious reason why your ex tries to hurt you after a breakup is that they still have feelings for you. This is why they contact you, make it difficult for you to move on, and try to make you stay in touch with them.
Sometimes, an ex will express anger towards you simply because they're using you and the breakup as a scapegoat. They might just not be in a good place in their life, and they might be feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves, so they take it out on you.
Your ex might be trying to make you jealous simply because they found out you're seeing someone new, and they want to make you think about them again. They might be trying to make you feel like you're missing out by not being with them anymore. It can also be to make themselves feel better and to boost their own ego.
If your ex said mean things to you, they meant it in that particular moment, but it was probably just an emotional reaction. The best you can do in this situation is to stop making your ex the protagonist of your life and start making well-informed decisions and committing to them fully.
We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.
When we become attached to someone who's toxic or emotionally harmful, we experience something called “attachment ambivalence”. Attachment ambivalence refers to that anxiety-provoking state of feeling emotionally pulled toward someone that logically we know isn't good for us.
"Two of the worst things anyone could say to an ex is, 'I never loved you,' or, 'Our relationship was a waste of time,'" he says. "Although often spoken in anger, both statements are deeply painful for the recipient to hear."
There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.
If your ex was crying or angry when they broke up with you then you know you still have a chance because these are signs your ex wants you back. Your ex is really emotional just like you are right now and they are thinking with their emotions and not their head.
After all, when someone has been a toxic relationship partner, it's doubtful that he or she will be that great of a friend. Reality check: Toxic ex-partners may not miss you, but they sure do miss what you provided for them.
Now, if you're wondering, “Does my ex feel guilty for hurting me,” chances are that yes, they do. It is not most people's intention to cause pain and suffering to the person they had developed a relationship with. A person can also feel guilty about how they handled the breakup.
After a breakup, the best form of revenge can be putting your energy into creating the life you want to live. You might do this by taking a break from social media, finding a new hobby, spending time with loved ones, focusing on your career, and volunteering.
Manipulating a partner to break up with you.
Ghosting and orbiting are among the "worst" ways to break up with someone. Breaking up with a positive tone is not always helpful. Mutual breakups, when possible, support post-breakup recovery.
The bottom line is that the strong desire to be with an ex-mate, even one that was potentially dangerous, stems from an involuntary neurobiology response. Often one associated with the reward system, in conjunction with other systems. To crave a past partner is not a personal weakness.
Holding on to a toxic relationship often happens because we fear the pain that we will feel if we let go. But letting go of toxic love is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who makes your life miserable more often than they make you happy?
Put simply, one of the main reasons you're not letting go of a past relationship is because you're lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge. "Rather than pining over someone who wasn't right for you, focus on yourself," she said.