People lose respect for you. In her book, “The Power of an Apology,” psychotherapist Beverly Engel says over-apologizing isn't so different from over-complimenting: You may think you're displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but you're actually sending the message that you lack confidence and are ineffectual.
“Those who over-apologize often feel like a burden to others, as if their wants and needs are not important,” Kelly Hendricks, a couple and family therapist in San Diego, told Psych Central, explaining how the behavior might also be a result of feeling unworthy.
Over-apologizing is a common symptom amongst individuals with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and a fear of what others think. This goes hand in hand with poor boundaries, perhaps accepting blame for things we didn't do or couldn't control.
The reason for many is that apologizing is a compulsion related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In this form of OCD, we have an obsessive thought that we did something wrong, usually related to a core fear that we are a bad person. We feel compelled to 'correct' ourselves or neutralize our fear.
Apologies, when warranted, are a sign of empathy in the workplace. But over-apologizing — or excessively saying sorry when you don't need to — is a bad habit that can undermine your authority, and more importantly, it hurts your self-esteem.
When abusers apologize with the goal of gaining ultimate control of their victim, gaslighting is often the method they use. By apologizing, they place doubt in their victims' minds. “They apologized to me, so they can't be as terrible as I remember them being.”
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
If you're still hurt, mad, or upset
Let them say their apology and acknowledge their effort, but be clear that you aren't fully ready to move forward yet. Commit to revisiting it later after letting your emotions settle. “It's good to hear you apologize, but honestly, I'm still pretty hurt by what happened.
Here are some ways to respond to an apology, without saying it's ok. "Thank you for apologizing." honest, I'm still hurt by it and it may take some time for me to move past it." did what really hurtful.
Sorry as a Tool of Manipulation
False apologies are tools of manipulation. An example of this is when a seemingly contrite person says they're sorry for being unfaithful to their partner. Their concern isn't for the relationship. It's about how a possible breakup will impact them financially.
But repetitive, nearly constant apologies for every little thing—or, what Psychologist Paige Carambio, PsyD calls, “apologizing for existing”—can actually be an after-effect of trauma, a self-preservation technique survivors may think they still need to utilize in order to protect themselves.
Narcissists are comfortable with lying.
When a narcissist apologizes, they're not admitting they were at fault or did something wrong. Narcissists lie all the time, and an apology is just another lie they use to get back any attention or admiration they may have lost.
Apologizing can make some people feel vulnerable, or feel like they are in danger of losing their power and status. Others simply equate saying "I'm sorry" with admitting they're inadequate or incompetent, which makes admitting mistakes so much harder to do. Some people find saying they're sorry humiliating.
Many people persistently apologize. Although not always the case, for some people, this can be a symptom of OCD. While OCD can be challenging to manage at times, it's possible. Many people who have OCD are able to manage their condition effectively.
However, this habit of over-apologizing can be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety craves the approval of others, and hates the presence of tension, so apologizing for even the most minor things can be a sign of an anxious mind.
It's completely valid to be angry even after someone says sorry. Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking anger isn't acceptable. “Anger is a deeply stigmatized emotion, so often people feel afraid of or overwhelmed by their own anger.
These manipulative apologies are a type of blame-shift apologies that blame the victim. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they make the entire thing your fault and demand an apology from you.
Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced. Im sorry but But is a qualifier. If a person cannot say sorry without adding a but, then they are not sorry.
People may constantly apologize for many reasons, such as people pleasing or feelings of guilt. But excessive apologizing may also be associated with a mental health condition.
Studies show that the average person says, “I'm sorry” 8-10 times per day. That averages out to more than 3,000 apologies per year.
One of the reasons girls use hedging or apologetic language is because it feels more polite. Although all genders are encouraged to have good manners, a heavier value is often placed on girls' ability to be nice, polite, and compliant. There's nothing wrong with being polite—if the situation calls for it, says Dr.
Is apologizing a toxic trait? Over-apologizing is a toxic habit. For example, you might apologize when you brush too close to someone in the hallway, or when you're simply feeling awkward in a new situation. Over-apologizing is a toxic habit which takes a serious toll on our relationships and self image.