Often individuals with autism struggle to make friends because they're fearful of being vulnerable, experiencing social anxiety, and struggle with the social skills necessary to make new friends.
They may struggle to understand their own emotions, for example anxiety relating to friendships or jealousy. They may be very sensitive to other people's thoughts. They may also find it hard to understand the stages of friendships, which can lead to confused emotions.
Autistic people can find social situations difficult or overwhelming and struggle to make and maintain friendships, leading to social isolation. It might feel as though other people know, intuitively, how to communicate and interact with each other.
The most striking feature of autism is social disconnection. People with autism may appear neither to be interested in nor able to “read” the social world. It is as though they are blind to the boisterous, complicated, emotionally loaded give-and-take of human interaction.
(2004) on peer relationships in autistic adolescents found 20.9% had at least one friendship with shared activities, but only 8.1% had one close reciprocal friendship, and almost half had no peer relationships at all.
Autistic people, however, can be more susceptible to both, due to the pressures of everyday life, having to navigate social situations and sensory overload. Trying to cope with these pressures can lead to exhaustion (autistic fatigue) and over time this can lead to extreme exhaustion or autistic burnout.
Social Skill Deficits in Autism Spectrum Disorders
Often, their failure is a direct result of ineffectual programs and inadequate resources typically made available for social skills instruction. For most children, basic social skills (e.g., turn taking, initiating conversation) are acquired quickly and easily.
These have ranged from simply doing or saying something that is in poor taste (hardly serious) to verbally attacking or stalking another member of the group (very serious).
Autism increases the risk of anxiety. Difficulties in understanding the social world, or bullying, can trigger anxiety. Being overly sensitive to loud noises or other sensory input – common to autism – can make one anxious about those experiences.
Research suggests that autistic people are more likely to experience feelings of loneliness compared to non-autistic people. This can be due to a lack of acceptance and understanding by society, making them feel excluded.
Though autistic people may respond to emotions and social cues differently than neurotypical people, this does not mean they lack empathy. Just like neurotypical people, levels of empathy vary between autistic individuals.
The patterns of these relationships are like those of autistic girls – autistic women tend to have one or two close, intense friendships. Their romantic partner is often their main relationship, sometimes acting as a 'social gatekeeper', meaning that they socialise mainly with their partner's friends.
Autistic people often form close bonds and strong trust very rapidly. If you can meet the right kind of Autistic person – and they'll be out there somewhere – you just 'click'. It might seem a bit strange, but it could well turn out to be a lifelong friendship. Good friendship is often quality over quantity.
Forget the proverb 'opposites attract:' A massive Swedish study suggests that men and women who have a psychiatric condition such as autism, schizophrenia or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder tend to pair up with people who share their diagnosis1.
Abstract Some children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) exhibit low mental age (Low-MA), defined here as cognitive functioning below 12 months.
In children and teenagers with high-functioning autism, this can present as a limited social circle, difficulty completing group work, or problems sharing toys and materials. Many people with ASD have sensory difficulties. Certain tastes, noises, smells, or feelings can be intolerable.
For instance, autistic people tend to be particularly honest, reliable, and loyal — some of the most important traits for a long-term relationship. You may just need to be more direct when communicating than you are used to and be prepared to give your partner space when they feel overstimulated.
There are other brain disorders that mimic autism symptoms, like ADHD and anxiety disorders, including selective mutism. Autism can be misdiagnosed as another disorder with some shared symptoms.
Non-autistic people tend to assess concepts before details, also known as top-down thinking. Autistic people take the opposite approach with bottom-up thinking and use details to build concepts. It may take longer to filter out sensory details with this approach, but you're less likely to miss important information.
Every autistic person is different, but sensory differences, changes in routine, anxiety, and communication difficulties are common triggers.
For some autistic people, friendships develop through experimental programs designed to support them. The goal of some of these programs is for participants not just to engage in behaviors that look social but to learn to behave in ways that help build relationships.