"As we become adults, we have less and less environments where those ingredients are at play." Adults with jobs, kids, and a collection of other responsibilities also simply have less time available for making friends.
The older we get, the fewer friends we have. According to a recent study by experts from Aalto University in Finland and the University of Oxford in England, our social network shrinks after we reach our mid-20s.
Studies have shown that, when people reach their 30's, they start to value quality friendships over quantity. Once their social circles dwindle, people settle for fewer friendships. As an outsider to those social circles, you may find it more intimidating to “break in” to an already established social circle.
A 2016 study by Aalto University and the University of Oxford found social circles shrink significantly after age 25; people stop making new friends and start becoming distanced from the ones they have. Specifically, the study showed around age 25, the average person contacts between 17.5 and 19 people per month.
A recent study published by the Aalto University School of Science in Finland and Oxford University found that for both men and women, the age of 25 is when most of us start losing friends. Researchers call this a "peak" point, and as we get older, our group of contacts begin to drop.
People need at least a little human contact in order to thrive, and true isolation can take a toll on your overall well-being. If you're not totally isolated, though, and your lack of friends doesn't trouble you, it can be perfectly fine to be satisfied with your own company.
In general, having no friends is relatively normal. A February 2021 report found that 36% of Americans felt serious loneliness and a 2019 report showed that 1 in 5 people had no friends. If you have no friends, you are not alone. However, having no friends can lead to loneliness for some people.
Friends may come and go but if you find that more of them are leaving these days rather than staying, the problem may be something you are doing. While one or two friends might decide to move on for their own reasons, a habit of losing friends usually means you have a problem you haven't been real with yourself about.
When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
Especially if you've had issues trusting others in the past. It might be even harder if you've suffered trauma. Bullying, abusive friendships, emotionally manipulative relationships and overstepped boundaries are all examples of things that make it hard and scary for you to let someone in and open up to them.
A few common issues that make it hard to find friends include shyness, social anxiety, complaining a lot, and expecting too much from new acquaintances. If you're not sure why you struggle to make friends, ask someone you trust for their perspective. Make sure you're prepared to hear the answer, though.
Making friends can be hard because of one's lack of social skills, because our society is generally making us more isolated, because of our modern busy lifestyles, or because we no longer have a context for meeting people like we did in college or high school.
People can become socially isolated for a variety of reasons, such as getting older or weaker, no longer being the hub of their family, leaving the workplace, the deaths of spouses and friends, or through disability or illness.
Older adults are at increased risk for loneliness and social isolation because they are more likely to face factors such as living alone, the loss of family or friends, chronic illness, and hearing loss. Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact.
Getting older and becoming less tolerant is a byproduct of aging. It comes with time, routine, and fatigue. This is why it's so important to keep a limber mind and an open heart. As stretching and flexibility become a must for the body as you grow older, the same is equally true for the psyche.
The biggest topic adults seek out their friends for is relationship advice. Overall, the average adult spends four hours a week with their friends, and 48 percent say it's strange if they go an entire day without speaking to their best friends.
Article content. In your 30s and 40s, a small, tight-knit group is optimal. Having three to five close friends allows for paired activities (tandem biking, charades), as well as intimate group outings (movie nights, wine tastings, group discount rates).
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
Sometimes having no social life is a choice. You may be one of those people who simply likes to be alone. However, sometimes isolation is caused by anxiety. If you feel you're experiencing symptoms of social anxiety disorder, there may be underlying conditions that should be evaluated.