When researchers interviewed adults about making friends in a recent study, the most important challenge cited was a lack of trust. That is, people found it harder to put their trust in someone new and fully invest in them as a friend compared to when they were younger.
A few common issues that make it hard to find friends include shyness, social anxiety, complaining a lot, and expecting too much from new acquaintances. If you're not sure why you struggle to make friends, ask someone you trust for their perspective. Make sure you're prepared to hear the answer, though.
In general, having no friends is relatively normal. A February 2021 report found that 36% of Americans felt serious loneliness and a 2019 report showed that 1 in 5 people had no friends. If you have no friends, you are not alone. However, having no friends can lead to loneliness for some people.
In short, after the age of 25, your personality and friendships are more or less consolidated. So if you are suddenly thrust into a new environment, it's normal to feel like it's difficult for you to fit in, even if you meet people who share similar interests.
According to “The Friendship Report,” a global study commissioned by Snapchat in 2019, the average age at which we meet our best friends is 21—a stage when we're not only bonding over formative new experiences such as first love and first heartbreak, but also growing more discerning about whom we befriend.
True friendships are admittedly rare, but they are possible if you know how to be one yourself and what to expect from others you want to call friends.
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
It's also normal to wonder why or how it happened. But know that losing friends in your twenties is normal. It happens to everyone (or at least almost everyone) and there are some natural, common reasons as to why it happens.
And it's certainly not uncommon to lose many of the friends you made as a young adult as your interests change and people's lives go in different directions. Careers and family schedules often become the center of our lives, making it difficult to cultivate new relationships and grow social circles in adulthood.
At any age there are going to be people in your area who are open to forming new friendships. Not everyone has had the same social circle for years and years and isn't interested in meeting anyone else. If you go on sites like Meetup.com you'll see people have created groups catering to all ages.
Jessica Harrison, a licensed professional counselor and owner of Courageous Counseling and Consulting, says a lack of long-term friendships is a major red flag. "It shows that they have not been committed to growing in relationships, which takes time and effort on both friends' part," says Harrison.
Shyness, introversion, and social anxiety may make people put the brakes on connecting with others. If a person has poor self-esteem or mental health issues, they may also struggle to connect. If this sounds like you, you may need some extra support to start feeling your best.
One of the ultimate reasons why intelligent people have fewer friends is a simple fact that they tend to listen more than they like to talk. In a group of friends, you'll find the introverted genius sitting back, observing those around them, listening, and trying to understand their thinking.
Additionally, the most cited reasons for why one can't make friends with ease were cited to be shyness (53 per cent), the feeling that friendships needed too much work (20 per cent), and a busy life (14 per cent).
Why Is it Actually Hard to Make Friends in Adulthood? Research shows that the most common reason why people struggle to connect with others is due to a lack of trust. It's harder than ever for people to find friends that they can fully invest in emotionally and mentally.
Some aspects of dating in your 30s make the process harder—such as a shrinking candidate pool. You can no longer meet potential partners at school and probably aren't attending parties and social gatherings as often.
Yes, it is common to experience feelings of loneliness in your 20s. This can be due to various factors such as changes in life circumstances, differences in personal values and interests with friends or family, or difficulty in making new connections.
The average 25-year-old woman contacts about 17.5 people per month, while a man contacts 19 people.
The 20s are a time of transition and change, and this can be a difficult and stressful time for many people. The pressure to succeed in career, relationships, and finding a sense of identity can take a toll on mental health. Many young adults experience feelings of anxiety and depression during their 20s.
They prefer one or two close friends, even though they may know many people and have many acquaintances. Despite this preference, introverts are often criticized for not attempting to make more friends, and are often viewed as lacking social skills.
The most common reason isn't tension; it's just that friendships fizzle out, both experts say. Friends move, get a new job, start a family and may just gradually stop talking to each other. One study found we lose about half our friends every seven years, Franco says.