Sociologists theorize that, in heterosexual relationships, mothers are more unhappy with their marriages after they have children because they tend to take on more “second shift” work — child care and housework — and begin to feel that their relationships are no longer fair.
New research shows that a fifth of couples break up in the first year after the baby is born and the most common reason is a diminishing sex life, constant arguing and lack of communication.
Becoming a parent often puts a strain on relationships, regardless of what they were like before. Part of the problem is that you're tired and have so much less time to spend with friends, family or your partner than you did before the baby arrived.
New research has found a fifth of couples break up during the 12 months after welcoming their new arrival. Among the most common reasons for separating were dwindling sex lives, a lack of communication and constant arguments.
Becoming a parent isn't the only cause of new conflicts, says Stacey Sherrell, a family therapist in California. But pre-baby, couples generally have more time to focus on issues like poor communication. That's more difficult when a child is added to the mix.
Lack of personal time, intimacy, communication, and many other factors can explain why some relationships fail after having a baby. None of these issues are impossible to overcome, but addressing any problems that have emerged is essential to strengthening the connection with your partner.
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce: Years 1–2: Very Risky. Years 3–4: Mild Risk. Years 5–8: Very Risky.
A closer look at resentment in relationships
Studies show that the transition to parenthood can negatively impact marital and other relationships due to the stressful and sudden changes involved in having a new baby (and, of course, getting very little sleep).
While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available Census data, the divorce rate for second marriages in the United States is over 60% compared to around 50% for first marriages.
Most breakups occurred around the six-month mark, and more than one in ten resorted to a trial separation for 12 months after their baby's arrival, but later got back together.
Fundamental identities may shift – from wife to mother, or, at a more intimate level, from lovers to parents. Even in same-sex couples, the arrival of children predicts less relationship satisfaction and sex. Beyond sexual intimacy, new parents tend to stop saying and doing the little things that please their spouses.
Keep communication lines open
It's tempting to shut down and ignore the growing resentment you feel toward your husband, but closing off communication will only make things worse. Tell your partner how you feel.
The short-term answer is usually yes. Children thrive in predictable, secure families with two parents who love them and love each other.
Unfortunately, yes. About 60% of couples experience this postpartum fighting phase and 20% end up in separation. Whether they go through a divorce or a separation, an increasing number of parents decide to separate when they have a young child.
Gender May Make a Difference
Men have always been more likely to remarry than women, although this gap is narrowing. Today, approximately 64% of men and 52% of women have remarried. Perhaps the lingering disparity has something to do with the benefits that men get from marriage.
Only 30% of first-time marriages end in divorce. However, those who were married previously are statistically more likely to get married and divorced again. Up to 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Therefore, second and third marriages are significantly more likely to end in divorce than first marriages.
Money Matters
Money is often an issue in first marriages but becomes even more pronounced in second/third marriages due to child support and spousal maintenance payments. Money and resentment go hand in hand in second/subsequent marriages, and can especially feel the strain when money is tight.
Perhaps it's not surprising (although it is a little depressing) that relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman found that about two-thirds of couples struggle during the first three years of parenthood, experiencing a noticeable decline in “relationship satisfaction.” In the first few months with a new baby, ...
Why It's Happening. A perfect storm of hormones, sleep deprivation, and the mental stress of caring for a new baby can bring on postpartum depression and anxiety, which can cause you to withdraw from your partner and exacerbate the feelings of disconnect.
Postpartum rage is when you feel anger, frustration or lose your temper easily after having a baby. Changes in hormone levels is one of the main causes. Lifestyle changes, changes to your body and other emotions play a role. Certain medications and counseling can treat it.
The seven-year itch or 7-year itch refers to the notion that divorce rates reach their height around the seven-year mark of commitment. While this concept has been widely disputed, it is a concern that plagues many if they start experiencing marital issues seven years into their relationship.
The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old. 24. 60 percent of all divorces involve individuals aged 25 to 39. 25.
Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction decreased slightly for couples with age gaps of 4 to 6 years and continued to decrease for couples with an age gap of 7 or more years.