The Oversharing Habit Is a Way for Us to Cope Oversharing is one of those coping mechanisms that falls in that gray area, sometimes helping us to release stress, communicate our internal struggles or joys with others, and to reach out in a time of need.
If you live with complex trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), trauma dumping or oversharing could be a natural trauma response and coping mechanism.
Oversharing can all too often be a smokescreen for a serious psychological issue, including things like anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder. And the first hint can be whether you can control your blather or not.
Remember: Over-explaining is a trauma response designed to avoid conflict. “The logic behind fawning is that if a person does anything and everything they can to please the person who is trying to hurt them, that person might not follow through with the abusive behavior,” says Fenkel.
Oversharing doesn't create intimacy. Oversharing is self-absorption masked as vulnerability. This may also signal emotional neediness and/or lack of boundaries.
Trying to fast-track the relationship
A common reason for oversharing is the desire to build depth and emotional intimacy before the relationship is ready. This can often be connected to stress or a fear of not being liked by the person. First dates, new coworkers, or mutual friends often elicit this oversharing.
Being careless with your privacy can open you and your family up to everything, from cyberbullying and theft to extortion and kidnap. Criminals can use social media geo-tagging, landmarks and research into your typical behaviour or schedule.
Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.
The keywords in SAMHSA's concept are The Three E's of Trauma: Event(s), Experience, and Effect. When a person is exposed to a traumatic or stressful event, how they experience it greatly influences the long-lasting adverse effects of carrying the weight of trauma.
Here are some common reactions to trauma: Losing hope for the future. Feeling distant (detached) or losing a sense of concern about others. Being unable to concentrate or make decisions.
It's common for people with ADHD to overshare information. People may be impulsive and not stop to think about what they're saying. Treating ADHD can help people improve self-control and think about consequences.
Dr Kirren says the third reason people may overshare is that they struggle with boundaries, followed by its potential links to anxiety. “Your anxiety makes you talk uncontrollably [and] the more you share the more anxious you get but you can't stop,” she says.
According to Banks, overexplaining can be a trauma response and can develop as a result of gaslighting. She adds that anxiety or ADHD can also lead to overexplaining and it can happen to those who grew up with a strict upbringing where “you had to justify your choices”.
Excessive drug or alcohol use.
Drug and alcohol use can be a slippery slope. Stimulants and depressants may help to numb feelings, pain and subside those negative thoughts that are actively being avoided, but excessive use can lead to severe health complications, addiction, overdose and death.
An Open Book
In Daring Greatly, Brown explains the difference between vulnerability and oversharing. Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust. It's not oversharing, it's not purging, it's not indiscriminate disclosure, and it's not celebrity-style social media information dumps.
The Five S's are Safety, Specific Behaviors, Setting, Scary Things, and Screening/Services.
Complex trauma describes both children's exposure to multiple traumatic events—often of an invasive, interpersonal nature—and the wide-ranging, long-term effects of this exposure. These events are severe and pervasive, such as abuse or profound neglect.
Suffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depression. Unable to form close, satisfying relationships. Experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks. Avoiding more and more anything that reminds you of the trauma.
What is Toxic Venting? Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone's character. Whether you are the one venting, or you're listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.
Venting vs Trauma Dumping
Venting involves someone opening up about something that's bothering them, but doing so in ways that are respectful to the person listening. Trauma dumping doesn't involve boundaries to protect the time, feelings, or needs of the person on the receiving end.
Examples of Oversharing
Posting intimate details about your relationships, friendships, family matters, or personal drama. Using social media as a soapbox or a way to vent your emotions. Posting photos or videos of things meant to be private. Posting embarrassing photos or videos of yourself or others.
People with BPD often engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This can include: Oversharing. Misplaced anger.