Bessel van der Kolk (2014) put it like this: “The essence of trauma is feeling godforsaken, cut-off from the human race” (p. 335). Shame is one of the more painful emotions because it arises when those most foundational of human needs, the need to feel safe and the need to belong, remain unmet.
Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper. People who experience shame usually try to hide the thing they feel ashamed of. When shame is chronic, it can involve the feeling that you are fundamentally flawed.
Intrapersonally, or within your own internal experience, shame can be one of the most painful emotions you may feel. While all experiences are somewhat different, pain and discomfort to some degree are likely involved. Because shame is held in the body, the pain and discomfort can be both physical and emotional.
Shame is a debilitating feeling that takes over the mind and body. It can make you feel small and incomplete while building walls around you to keep out compassion. Despite wanting to be seen and known, shame causes people to hide behind masks instead.
Two key areas of the brain are activated by shame: the prefrontal cortex and the posterior insula. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain associated with moral reasoning. This is where judgements about the self occur. The posterior insula is the part of the brain that engages visceral sensations in the body.
Shame can stem from a person's own poor choices or harmful behavior. Other times unfortunate circumstances—such as poverty or chronic physical illness—plant seeds of shame. However, shame is much more than an uncomfortable feeling or a response to a humiliating event.
Shame is a necessary human emotion that helps us develop a moral compass, but it can become destructive in our lives. It can lead us to believe that we have to be perfect or else we are not lovable. It can lead us to withdraw from others. It can lead us to be defensive and distant.
Experiencing a traumatic event can awaken a wide variety of distressing emotions. One of the most challenging emotions that may arise is shame, which many people struggle with as an after-effect of trauma.
Depression
It really is the worst feeling, but it's also motivated some great art over the years.
Shame, like trauma, puts the body in a freeze state and lowers the ability to think and act clearly. Shame feels like a fog or cover, something that is external, that makes it hard to function.
As an adult, reacting in anger when we experience those emotions of guilt, embarrassment or shame, is a way to protect the ego. We remove ourselves from blame in order to reassure ourselves that we are still worthy of love and acceptance.
The Bible tells us we should confess our sins (1 John 1:9) and believe He has cleansed us from our guilty conscience (Hebrews 10:22). Even when someone else is responsible for bringing you shame, the scriptures urge us not to be ashamed but to glorify God instead (1 Peter 4:16).
When faced with shame, the brain reacts as if it were facing physical danger, and activates the sympathetic nervous system generating the flight/fight/freeze response.
Shame can dramatically influence your sense of self. When you grew up feeling like you're less important or less worthy, you might struggle with low self-esteem as an adult. Even if you recognize that your childhood trauma was not your fault, the shame lingers on.
Transient shame – this form of shame is very fleeting and often does not create significant problems. For example, when a person makes a mistake at work, they may feel ashamed for a while, but the feeling quickly passes. Vicarious shame – people can feel shame on behalf of another person, known as vicarious shame.
' Feelings of shame can be painful and debilitating, affecting one's core sense of self, and may invoke a self-defeating cycle of negative affect....
In a social-evaluative situation, strength of cortisol stress responses will be predicted by shame expression responses, and to a lesser extent, by self-reported trait and state shame responses. Individuals with low body esteem will report and show stronger shame stress responses.