If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.
Luckily, Kelley emphasizes that recovery from gaslighting is absolutely possible. “Practicing self-compassion and patience is essential, as the healing process can take time,” she notes. The tactics used by a gaslighter are meant to deconstruct the victim's sense of self, and it can take time to rebuild and repair.
Typically, gaslighters do not want to break up. "In most cases, they want to stay in the relationship and keep it on their terms," says mental health counselor Rebecca Weiler.
Persistent gaslighting can be catastrophic for the mental health of the person on the receiving end causing him/her to believe they deserve the abuse. The impact can last long after the gaslighter is out of the victim's life and very often leads to a lifetime of self-doubt and difficulty making decisions.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
The goal of a gaslighter is to make a person doubt themself by feeding them lies and using their own position to cause mental health harm. The term gaslighting, or gaslighter, comes from a play from the late 1930s, according to Britannica.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
While some gaslighters are very aware that they are putting their behavior on someone else to get what they want, some who are projecting are not aware that they are doing it. In either case, projection is an unhealthy behavior and should not be tolerated. Some gaslighters unconsciously project out of guilt or shame.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will.
First, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and abuse should never be tolerated in a relationship. However, life is not as simple as that: Gaslighters erode people's self-esteem and their ability to make decisions. This can mean that making the decision to leave seems almost impossible.
Gaslighters are often very intelligent, says Connecticut-based psychotherapist Dori Gatter, PsyD. “Their intellect, combined with their inability to handle negative feedback, means they often assume positions of authority in the workplace.
Gaslighting can be a bad habit picked up from the relationships that that person grew up around. If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior.
The idea is to make those who disagree with the gaslighter question their ability, memory or sanity. (See it in action in the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer.) Gaslighters use lies, false promises and personal attacks to make those around them doubt themselves.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.
Certain personality types tend to be more manipulative than others. People with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopaths are more likely to gaslight those around them.
People with personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder, may use gaslighting as a way to control spouses, children, co-workers, or any other relationship where the person with a character disorder feels vulnerable.
Seek Help if the Gaslighting Continues
"Gaslighters will erode your self-esteem; therapy can be very helpful in rebuilding it and also learning the warning signs of gaslighters in the future," said Sarkis. When it occurs in a romantic relationship, couples therapy can work, too.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
In a relationship, gaslighting often happens in three stages: idealisation, devaluation, and discard.
The long-term effects of gaslighting may include anxiety, depression, trauma, and low self-esteem. Gaslighting often appears in abusive relationships but also takes place in other contexts. People from marginalized groups are especially vulnerable.