Last, vulnerable narcissists tend to be insecure and defensive. They admit to feeling bad about themselves, which makes some people question why they are considered narcissistic.
Narcissists have high self-esteem. But unlike individuals with a secure sense of high self-esteem, narcissists have what researchers call “fragile high self-esteem“. It is a form of high self-esteem dependent on external validation and self-deception.
Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and have a reputation as such. Narcissists would rather be admired than liked. Narcissists are masters at making first impressions, leading them to do better with short-term relationships.
A vulnerable narcissist is a type of narcissist that tends to be highly self-conscious, insecure, and hypersensitive to rejection. They oscillate between feeling inferior and superior to others, and they become easily offended, anxious, or even hostile when they're not put on a pedestal.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Analyzing their data, they found that they could reliably identify narcissists simply using the question: “To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.' (Note: The word 'narcissist' means egotistical, self-focused and vain.)”
They have speculated that if narcissists received true feedback, they would change. The Carlson and colleagues' study suggests this is not the case: Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and that they have a narcissistic reputation.
Attention Seeking Narcissists love attention when it is on them. Narcissists are acutely aware that they lack in self-esteem, but aren't motivated enough to work on themselves to improve it. They are plagued with insecurities; from their looks, their professional success, (or lack of it), to their relationship history.
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
The narcissist hides their real, vulnerable, and often unhappy self behind a mask of exaggerated self-confidence, grandiosity, self-absorption, and non-empathy. The narcissist projects an image of superiority, charm, and intelligence to mask these deficits. This is the false, or narcissistic, self.
No one really likes to admit to failure, but narcissists are particularly loath to admit to their weaknesses.
The most effective weapon to fend off narcissists is self-love. When you love yourself, it is more difficult for the narcissist to manipulate you and get under your skin. It will hurt them to know that you do not need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Elizabeth Hinkle says that we often assume someone with narcissism is confident. But she says that's a misconception. “It's difficult to understand that people with narcissism deep down do not generally have positive feelings about themselves or healthy self-esteem.”
Other narcissist "tests" are not at all scientifically validated, such as the so-called narcissist smile test, which claims that you can tell if someone is a narcissist based on how they react if you smile, look them in the eye, and tell them "no" in response to something they ask of you.
They're often introverted, sensitive, and prone to experiencing anxiety and shame. They may also struggle to maintain close friendships as they focus heavily on themselves, require attention, and are hyper-sensitive to perceived criticism.
Generally, narcissists are very frugal with their money and defensive with it. When it comes to their possessions, they don't give them freely. There is, however, more to this greed than self-preservation. Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists may not understand the benefits of sharing their resources.
Many narcissists are obsessive-compulsive as well. They conduct daily "rituals", they are overly punctilious, they do things in a certain order, and adhere to numerous "laws", "principles", and "rules". They have rigid and oft-repeated opinions, uncompromising rules of conduct, unalterable views and judgments.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
People with overt narcissism are typically extroverted, bold, and attention-seeking. They may become aggressive or violent if a person or situation challenges their sense of status. The covert subtype is less obvious. A person with covert narcissism may come across as shy, withdrawn, or self-deprecating.