While not one of the nine criteria for a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD), selfishness can be a symptom of the disease. Selfishness interferes with healthy relationships, worsens risky behavior and worsens addiction--all symptoms of BPD. How do we know when we're being selfish?
People who have this disorder may be labeled manipulative, selfish, or clingy. Psychologist Marsha Linehan, who developed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) specifically to treat women with BPD, compares a person with BPD to a person with third-degree burns over 90% of their body.
Most people with EUPD/BPD aren't manipulative - but often those around us can be. Maddi Crease writes that a pervasive misconception about people who have emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) is that they easily manipulate those around them.
They found that while borderline personalities exhibited the same amount of generosity in the game as healthy individuals, they expected others to act more selfishly than the healthy individuals did.
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
Individuals with a diagnosis of BPD have difficulty making appropriate social judgements about others from their faces.
“People with BPD lie often, but it is not because they are pathological liars,” says Nikki Instone, Ph. D. “Lying is not a symptom of the disorder so much as a consequence of their internal battle.” Lying is really rooted in emotional dysregulation, which is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.
How Selfishness Manifests in Borderline Personality Disorder. According to HealthyPlace, selfishness in the case of BPD arises from unmet needs: People with a borderline personality often report being neglected or abused as children. Consequently, they feel empty, angry, and deserving of nurturing.
People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder
“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Similarities of BPD and NPD
BPD and NPD can both cause distorted and unhealthy patterns of thoughts and behaviors. People with these conditions have a strong desire for positive attention and validation from others and may react poorly when they don't receive the affirmation that they want.
Research from 2017 points out that feelings of loneliness are common in people with BPD. Many people with BPD have a strong desire to be close to others. However, fear of abandonment or a skewed sense of self may cause them to act impulsively or aggressively in an effort to keep loved ones close to them.
Borderline personality disorder directly affects how one feels about him or herself, one's behaviors as well as how an individual can relate to others. Psychoanalytic theorists assert that individuals with BPD are often intolerant of being alone, which may be caused by experiencing “annihilation anxiety…
This lack of self-acceptance may also lead to feelings of self-hatred. Individuals with BPD who are unable to accept themselves may be particularly at risk for self-injury or even suicide attempts. It's also common for people with BPD who have a harder time accepting themselves to feel isolated or lonely.
Many people feel that their loved ones or relatives with symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) don't care how they feel because it is often not present in their behavior. This is because one frequent feature of those who experience symptoms of BPD is very weak empathy.
This finding suggests that people with BPD are viewed harshly due to their apparent lack of control over their behavior and emotions. People with schizophrenia, by contrast, suffer from hallucinations and delusions that, by virtue of their seriousness, would seem less controllable.
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
They have anger outbursts and become particularly volatile. More often than not, they're not intentionally manipulating others — hence the quotation marks. Although their actions appear malicious, they're just trying to get their needs met.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
Yes, those living with BPD often experience heightened emotions and fears of abandonment, but that certainly doesn't make them unlovable, let alone monstrous. A relationship with someone who lives with BPD is just like any other; it depends on many of the same factors such as trust, understanding and communication.
Also, the inability to self-soothe can lead to impulsive, reckless behavior. People with BPD are often on edge. They have high distress and anger levels, so they may be easily offended.
The person with borderline has such a complicated relationship with themselves and their own thoughts that they don't want to take responsibility for them. Crippled by insecurity of the deepest kind, taking responsibility for their own thoughts would mean, to them, having to admit the “wrongs” of their existence.
Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on. Unfortunately, while a favorite person can be a source of validation and support, these relationships can also be toxic for both parties.