Not all with BPD lie Very few set out to intentionally deceive someone. But many people with BPD lie based on perceptions, what they believe to be the truth. A classic example is "He doesn't like me" when the person with BPD really means "I hate myself because I'm not like him."
Lying is a characteristic often linked to such emotions, as people with Borderline Personality Disorder are highly sensitive to perceived rejection by others, and therefore they lie to avoid upsetting and alienating those close to them,” says Ellen Golding, MFT.
People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. Many family members and friends of those with BPD cite lying as a major problem in their relationships.
However, those positive attributes are not without the proverbial strings attached; when the BPD explodes with vindictive rage, all they said or gave to their loved one may be taken away in one fell swoop of aggression. BPDs experience the world in extremes: black-and-white or all-or-nothing.
The actions of people who have BPD can indeed feel manipulative. However, the word 'manipulative', with its pejorative suggestions of malicious scheming, does not capture the true nature of BPD-spurred behavior.
Is narcissism a symptom of BPD? Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Relationships & Borderline Personality Disorder
“We also have intense and sudden mood changes, and we have severe difficulty regulating our emotions. Unintentionally, we tend to blame others when we make a mistake, which causes us to be manipulative and cruel to those we care about.”
Punishment and revenge are central to the manifestation of what Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is and means when it comes to relationships. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy – it leaves them feeling engulfed.
Laypeople can believe these myths, too. One of the most pervasive misperceptions among professionals and non-professionals alike is that people with BPD are intentionally, maliciously trying to manipulate those around them with their displays of extreme emotion or self-harm, Dixon-Gordon says. This is false.
The types of lies people with BPD tell
Very often, the individual does not believe there is anything noteworthy about their life or their experiences, which leads them to lie in order to make themself more interesting, more important, or to fit in with a specific group.
People with BPD can be very direct and honest people, and while it does not always feel that way to them and others, they are often well equipped to handle challenges in life. Myth #6: People with BPD are dramatic attention-seekers.
It's a technique often used by those with narcissistic and/or borderline personality disorders to deflect any responsibility from themselves.
BPD and Cheating
Borderline personality disorder relationships and cheating may occur due to the impulsivity associated with this mental health condition. Recent research has shown people with BPD are more sexually impulsive and likely to engage in risky sexual behavior than those without BPD.
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.
Because of their overall pessimistic demeanor, they can easily feel slighted and may express this aggressively or hold it in and build resentment. Those with this type of BPD tend to view people in “black and white” terms (known as BPD splitting), so they are likely to hold onto a grudge after feeling insulted.
When people with BPD feel that they're being abandoned or neglected, they feel intense fear or anger. They might track their loved ones' whereabouts or stop them from leaving. Or they might push people away before getting too close to avoid rejection.
To try and tackle the “divide” in the relationship, the borderline sufferer might begin to withdraw or pick fights.
The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. In other words, they're not about you. When your loved one does or says something hurtful towards you, understand that the behavior is motivated by the desire to stop the pain they are experiencing; it's rarely deliberate.
It is important to remember that while having a relationship with a person with BPD can be challenging, they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. Rather, they lack the ability to understand and cope with their emotional pain, which causes them to act in ways that hurt others.
Having a diagnosis of BPD not only may increase the risk of violence against others but against self. Self-harm is a common issue for many individuals living with BPD.
Psychopathy. Pathological lying is in factor 1 of the Psychopathy Checklist (PCL).
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the term sadistic as “taking pleasure in the infliction of pain, punishment, or humiliation on others.” Psychology Today assert that it is certainly possible for some individuals with BPD to be genuinely manipulative or sadistic.