This especially applies to your interactions with a narcissist. There is no way to fully guarantee their honesty, even if they promise they are truthful. Most of the time, narcissists don't respond with direct truths. The truth may emerge, but you often need to parse it out from their numerous manipulation tactics.
If you live with a narcissist, you can cope by being honest, helping them implement healthier behaviors, and establishing clear boundaries. In any case, you shouldn't take it personally when you feel offended or disrespected by a narcissist—you aren't the problem here.
Yes, a narcissist is aware of his or her behavior, but unaware of the psychological mechanisms that compel and justify the behavior.
You shouldn't expect a narcissist to have a healthy reaction when confronted with the truth. They are going to work as hard as they can to invalidate and devalue the truth to protect their false sense of self. For narcissists the truth is offensive, threatening, and unacceptable.
Lying is a common tactic used by narcissists because it works so effectively to achieve their goals without risking any damage to their self-image.
An inability to bear the truth
Attorney Rebecca Zung writes about what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.
Although they are not always sneaky, some covert narcissists can take joy in creating confusion. They may not engage in blaming or shaming, but instead, causing people to question their perceptions and second-guess themselves. This is another way to create leverage between them and another person.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
This is hard to say. Gaslighting is a deliberate tactic, but most narcissists can rationalize their behaviors as being caused by the victim, and they may not see their own actions as harmful or abusive. LaForte says this varies based on the degree of self-awareness of the narcissist.
While it's possible for a person with NPD to do this consciously to manipulate others, it often goes deeper than that. Someone may firmly believe that they're the victim and operate from that place, even when the evidence suggests otherwise.
Remain calm and unaffected.
Cut a conversation with a narcissistic co-worker short and excuse yourself to work on something else. Give your narcissistic partner absolutely no reaction when they try to push your buttons. Stay on topic if you're having a conversation with a manipulative, narcissistic parent.
Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you. Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard.
The kind narcissist sees themselves as a good person. Often, they appear steady and good-natured. They are popular and well thought of. The trouble arises once more is asked of them than they want to give.
The root of the disorder is actually a strict resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone at any time. Here's a lay description of how it works: The narcissist does not truly trust others in close relationships.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image, and they will go to great lengths to protect it. If you criticize them or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Rejection
Rejection causes major narcissistic injury and is one of the top 10 things narcissists fear the most. They can't handle it, even if it's a tiny slight. Remember, they have a sense of entitlement and pride themselves on being the ones who reject and discard their victims.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
In addition, narcissists are often grandiose when it comes to self-serving, unnecessary expenditures. They may splurge on a luxurious vacation and share many pics on social media. But, they'll also skimp on essentials like rent.
Use Self-Deprecating Tactics
Among many other things covert narcissists do, a hallmark of their eccentricity is using false humility or self-deprecating comments to garner people's attention and seek validation. They trivialize their skills and accomplishments, so people reassure them or shower them with praise.