Open relationships are simply toxic. They're corrosive to our mental, physical, and spiritual health — and they're especially bad for women who want to have families one day. We can find better ways to forge meaningful communities and avoid taking this toxic route in our romantic relationships.
Recent research that used a novel framework to explore types of monogamy and nonmonogamy suggests that open, consensual nonmonogamous relationships can be healthy and satisfying.
Irreconcilable differences can range from a myriad of issues, but according to a recent study, 92 percent of open marriages fail. Though tracking, recording and analyzing open marriages can be challenging as the arrangements between the couple may be convoluted.
The findings, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, indicate that engaging in consensual non-monogamy is associated with some increases in sexual satisfaction — but does not have much of an impact on other aspects of one's relationship.
Why open relationships fail. Ultimately, open relationships often fail due to a lack of honesty. The issue isn't so much the honesty between the two people in the relationship. If they have started to talk about having an open relationship, they are probably honest with each other.
Humans have feelings, needs and wants. People in open relationships do experience jealousy, and it's completely valid — but how do you work through these feelings?
And yet, studies of couples actually engaged in CNM relationships find that these people report being just as happy in their marriages as strictly monogamous couples are—and they're more satisfied sexually.
Reasons you might consider an open relationship: You and your partner both have a lot of love to give and believe you can love more than one person at once. You want to explore your sexuality or sexual relationships with someone of a different gender. You and your partner have a case of mismatched libidos.
Risk of Jealousy and Insecurity
It would be to no one's surprise that there is going to be a chance of insecurity and jealousy getting in the way of a happy open relationship. Instead of seeing this as you or your partner's shortcomings, try to understand that jealousy is an opportunity for another conversation.
“Be honest with that person and share how you feel. If the person you are dating feels happy in an open relationship, reflect on your own feelings and desires and whether you are willing to accept them and their preferred relationship structure,” Kirova explains.
A one-sided open relationship is a union where one partner is free to date others while the other does not. This type of relationship can be challenging to navigate because it needs a lot of understanding.
Research tells us that about 4 to 5 percent of heterosexual couples have agreed to have an open relationship. In other words, they've given their consent to not be monogamous. That may seem like a relatively small and, given the stigma surrounding open relationships, unsurprising number.
For instance, if you're in an open relationship where you and your partner can sleep with other people, but not date them romantically, that is a boundary. If you fell in love with another partner and began seeing them more seriously in secret, that would still be cheating. You've crossed a line in your open contract.
Reasons you might consider an open relationship: You and your partner both have a lot of love to give and believe you can love more than one person at once. You want to explore your sexuality or sexual relationships with someone of a different gender. You and your partner have a case of mismatched libidos.
Set Rules and Boundaries
As in all relationships, honesty and open communication are necessary for success. Evaluate your personal expectations and needs with yourself first, and then have a conversation with your partner to set boundaries to protect those needs.
In recent years, though, non-monogamy has become increasingly mainstream. About one in four adults is interested in having an open relationship, according to 2021 YouGov poll of 23,000 Americans.
Relationship expert and psychotherapist Neil Wilkie told Red Magazine: “it is said that less than 1% of couples are in open marriages. Twenty percent of couples have experimented with consensual non-monogamy [but] open marriage has a 92% failure rate.
While being in an open relationship can be rewarding, it takes a lot of work. Some research indicates that open relationships have only an 8 percent success rate.
Open relationships allow partners to put all their cards on the table. Open relationships also allow non-monogamous people to express their needs and identity without fear. They don't need to hide their crushes or extra-marital relationships, at least to their partner, and this leads to a lot less emotional distress.
'It is said that less than 1% of couples are in open marriages,' Neil explains. 'Twenty-percent of couples have experimented with consensual non monogamy [but] open marriage has a 92% failure rate.
An open marriage can be healthy, but it won't likely save a relationship that's in trouble. "Certainly, an open relationship cannot save a marriage," says Taormino.
Too many cultures around the world present challenges to people hoping to open their relationships, and the taboo remains globally prevalent.